Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Behavior before feeLinGs*

"The problem with people is that they think if they feel better they will act better. You can't feel your way to better behavior, YOU BEHAVE YOUR WAY TO BETTER FEELINGS. If you want to feel better about others, you have to treat them nice first. If you want to feel better about school, you have to do the work first. If you don't do the work, even if someone helps you feel better for a short time, tomorrow you're going to do the same thing and you're going to feel bad all over again." 

You must behave your way to success, not wait for success to teach you how to behave.
You must be a good partner to have a good relationship, not wait to feel like you have a good relationship to behave like a good partner.
You must be good at your job and put in the time to feel satisfied with your job, not wait for your job to treat you well before you work hard.
Once you embrace this, your life will change in ways you never imagined.*

...must be the puppy chow...


Wednesday, September 25, 2013

The gift of appreciation....*

I think that sometimes we put down things that we have in our lives, even if we have it good, because it makes us feel guilty or selfish for wanting more. So the only way we can justify the "new" or the "better" is to make it seem as though what we have now isn't good enough so we HAVE to have that new or better in our lives to be happy. But when we get in this cycle, it becomes an endless cycle. The "new" and the "better" are only labeled as such because they are not ours. Once we acquire them, we once again begin to see the flaws in it, looking for all the reasons we need to be going after the new "new" and the better "better". We do it with clothes, things, circumstances, and most tragically, people.

Appreciate what you have. Know that you have amazing things, people, and experiences. Reach for more because you want it or because you enjoy reaching, but don't do it from a place of lack.... or that is exactly what you will find more of when you reach your destination. 

Reach for abundance, love, life, giving, kindness, charity.... reach for the moment, because after all.... There is no gift like the "present". 

...must be the puppy chow...

Sunday, September 8, 2013

The "good life" *



WHEW! I love racing against the clock and winning  Finally off to bed ladies and gentlemen, and tonight I will leave you with this:

The "good life" does not come to those who wish for it the most. It does not come to those who despair in the fact that they do not have it. It does not come to those who think all of their problems will be solved by having it, or to those who thought that one circumstance is all it would take to create it. The "good life" does not come to those who think what they have is not good enough, nor does it come to those who think they will never amount to anything so they never try. It will most certainly not fall in the lap of those who think they deserve it without working for it, and absolutely will not come to those who begrudge those who already earned it.

The "good life" is the life you create. It is in the hugs from family, the long walks with the dog, the deep belly laugh at the best part of a good movie. It is also in the tears shed over a lost friend or pet, the feeling in the pit of your stomach after a bitter defeat, or the hot tears of frustration after working yourself to exhaustion. There is an old saying by one of my favorite philosophers, " Most people don't run far enough on their first wind to find out they have a second." You must work for the life you want, be good to the people around you who have helped you get this far in your journey, and most of all.... learn to appreciate the bad as much as the good. For it is the tears that make the smiles worth while, the loss that makes the having so joyful, and the defeat that makes the mastery overflow with pride.

Your biggest obstacle, greatest challenge, worst enemy, and greatest ally lies right in between your own two ears. The only limits that are real are the ones you believe in. The only boundaries you have are the ones you set for yourself, so do yourself a favor and set yourself free. You will find out that your life was the "good life" all along, and the only one that could give it to you, was you.*


... must be the puppy chow ...

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Race for now*


Some days you just feel like you can't keep going. The race is too long, the training is too hard, you are just not equipped to continue. It feels as though you have done everything incorrectly, fumbled and fraudulently gotten to the point you are now and any day you will drop the ball and be found out for what you really are.... unworthy. It is hard to chase your dreams, push for your goals, and give up the now for the later.

Some days you get too caught up in the should haves, the what ifs, the could have beens. You forget what you are worth, what you can accomplish, where you can go.

Live in the moment. Stop, breathe, and be right here, right now. Look around you... find something to be thankful for. Become ultra present in the now, not thinking about tomorrow, not thinking about later... just be. Feel your heart beat. Hear the wind blow. Take your shoes off and walk in the soft grass. You're alive. If your journey was over, you wouldn't be. As long as you are, use it, do it, be it, chase it, achieve it, enjoy it, feel it, embrace it, be thankful for it....

All you have is now.*




Monday, May 6, 2013

A political discussion worth noting....*


    • I am a bleeding heart with very conservative beliefs. I talk a lot of politics and it is a very important subject to me. I was approached by a friend that asked me if she could have a personal conversation with me, and being the kind of person I am, I was more than happy to oblige a potentially difficult conversation. For me personally I wanted to keep this conversation, as I think it articulates a lot about where I am in my life right now.... hope you don't mind ;)
      ...must be the puppy chow....



      Friend

      Why do you use political jargon to define people? Acting as though being a liberal or a democrat is a bad thing. More importantly, why when I disagreed with Travis the only thing you really used against me was my political views aside from personal attacks (using liberal loosely)? I can't define someone by their political views, I can only define them by their actions. Example: "white Christian Republican male" is a god awful stereotype that I do not use, but I know so many that do like that is just supposed to define that person.
      Also, you are very sweet person. I understand getting "caught up" in the heat of the moment and things being said that didn't mean anything, but to be mean. What I am curious about is you put on a façade on that status. Boasting that you "handed me my ass" over I am not exactly sure what. Instead of defending Travis, you thought it were more important to make it personal and attack. Which if I'm correct, is the exact thing that got you upset with what I said. I don't see you as someone who likes to put others down to feel superior, but that is definitely what is appeared to be. Why?
      Another thing, are you still working out? I don't see much of your posts like that anymore. The Beach Body thing I mean.
    • Jen Scofield

      Although I can't give my full response at the moment, I will say that if you reread our conversation after it happened, many of your questions have already been answered. I will also say that you shouldn't hold on to things so long. Once it is over and amends have been made, let that situation go or you are letting "the enemy live in your head rent free". I will give more detailed answers to your question as soon as I can, but look over our previous conversation if you can and we will ho from there.
    • Friend

      Holding on to things too long - touché, my dear.. I tried to look through them, that is why I am on my computer. It won't let me load them. Actually, you are correct. I don't need answers. Although I can't remember all that was said and I can't look back through, you have made a perfectly good point.
    • Sunday
    • Jen Scofield

      As far as labels go, how would you say that people decide what actions to take in their lives?
      What drives people to act in a certain way?
    • Today
    • Friend

      Those are broad questions that correlate. Emotions elicit reactions. Those emotions may stem from religion, politics, beliefs, traditions, etc. Which all that is really related to culture. There is no right or wrong answer to that. It is human nature to label ourselves and others. So busy finding ways to divide ourselves than uniting as a whole and standing up for what we believe to be right. It is easier to group with what has been labeled "your own kind" (eg: blacks, Christians, democrats) because you feel the most comfortable and know a majority of the time, they will see things the way you do. If labels did not exist and people didn't have a superior complex, we as people would come together much more than segregate ourselves. That is not a realistic statement as of today. Again, it is human nature to label ourselves. Regardless of it being human nature, I don't like it. There are so many ideas and innovations in this world that people cannot see because of the labels they put on people. Call it what you will - liberal, bleeding heart, naïve. I think it is unfair to be labeled and be shut out be those that are not that label just because of ONE WORD. I would like to say they are powerless words, but they aren't.
    • Friend

      I hope that answered your question. I apologize for the long response.
    • Today
    • Jen Scofield

      It was a good response, and while I do agree with you to a certain extent, we all have to change the world and be good people in the best ways that we know how. When you say " I can't define someone by their political views, I can only define them by their actions", that is a statement that is well intentioned but not altogether true (or false... nothing is ever 100% in life).
    • Jen Scofield

      ...... didn't mean to hit enter, more to come lol
    • Jen Scofield

      If we define someone by only their actions, a lot of people are very bad people. I don't believe this to be true, as it is human nature to make mistakes... that is how we are designed so that we can learn. Look at children... they are a whole series of mistakes that come together to make something wonderful... like learning to talk, learning to walk, learning to have manners or not to steal or to be nice to the dog.... I could name a million lessons that make someone a good person but that came out of incorrect action. So, judging people entirely on their actions is not something we can do, just as judging them completely on what they say or think because we can never truly be in their head and know for a fact what they are thinking or what their motives are. It is an impossible task.
      There is a reason I like politics. When you ask someone what they believe politically, it says a lot about who they are in both their actions and in their beliefs without them making it personally about them in their response. They are more apt to say what they really think and really mean, therefore disclosing more of who they are without the focus directly being on them and therefore allowing them to conceal and reveal what they feel they should to make you feel a certain way about them. Is it a perfect system? Absolutely not. We can never truly know another person. Ever. Thus the intrigue about relationships and the human connection... there is always something to be discovered.
      So, back to action. People's emotions are positive or negative, based on how they believe a certain situation affects them and aligns with what they believe. What they believe is a result of many factors of how they have been raised, developed, and the life experiences they have. People
    • Jen Scofield

      People's actions are driven by their beliefs. Roughly ninety percent of the time, how they act is a reflection of their values and morals, the other ten percent is the human error of learning through screwing up. So when politically someone feels that a different label defines someone else, it is looked at as differences that are undesirable because they go against their own alignment.... which they aligned with because that is what they believe is most congruent to who they feel they are.
    • Jen Scofield

      So you are not wrong in saying people go where they feel comfortable... such is how we are biologically built.... comfort = survival.
      Intellect is what drives us from the herd, not nature. But to some, one label or another is directly opposite what they have defined for themselves, and therefore "bad".
    • Jen Scofield

      Getting personal for a moment through all the intellectual fog, I do notice that you are very concerned with persecution and alienation because of beliefs. That focus leads me to think that you have experienced this many times in your life and it is a sensitive issue with you, for which I do not blame you at all. Realistically however, life is what it is. It is harsh, it is cold, but for ever dark there is a light. Focusing on all that is wrong with the world and holding onto it for so long is not the way to change it. We can only control ourselves, but through controlling and improving ourselves, we can be the change. If you ask anyone that really knows me they will tell you I am the most bleeding heart person in the world. But being such a bleeding heart has gotten me into situations that have taught me real world lessons about how the world really is. We cannot focus on Utopia... how things SHOULD be, we must see them for what they are and focus on how we can change them by being real about what they are... or we are just spinning our wheels.
    • Jen Scofield

      (and side note, never apologize for long responses.... what you have to say is worth being heard, and you should have confidence in that)
    • Jen Scofield

      What I value are real solutions to problems. Discussions that lead somewhere. Having integrity. Working hard and earning what comes to you, and giving to others because it is what is right, not because someone is making you. I believe in being able to look at a situation without personalizing it and internalizing its implications. I believe in letting go and moving forward. I believe in people earning respect, and earning a good life. I don't believe that just because we are human means that we are all equal or that just because we are alive that we all deserve the same things. I believe in personal responsibility for one's children, one's life, and one's situation. And that is exactly why I most of the time I do not get along with "liberals." In my life, the liberal minded people I have come into contact with are more often than not completely run by their emotions. They don't care about facts, they care about feelings. They care about what the world SHOULD be, and cry about the injustice of it all, but are unwilling to see things as they REALLY are and figure out how to fix the problem from there. They are often uneducated, and they don't want to figure out the facts, they want to feel self righteous because they are more comfortable running on feelings. And after all of that I will say this: there are liberals in my life that I love dearly and wouldn't change. Do I disagree with them? Yes. Do I hate some of the decisions they make in their life? Absolutely. But it is who they are and they aren't going to change. It is what it is. Those that want different perspectives seek it, those that don't won't be forced and I definitely am not going to spend my precious moments on this earth trying. My parents are liberal. My best friend and her entire family that I lived with and known since I was in kindergarden are the absolute most liberal people I know.
      Do I love them less? No.
      Do I appreciate who the have helped mold me into? Yes.
      Would I let them run my life and my future? Not ever. That isn't me being unappreciative, or unloving, or unkind. That is me being able to separate myself from my feelings for them and look at results. And the results are that the liberals I know do not like engaging in discussion without it being chalked full of feelings. They cannot separate themselves from how they think things should be, even if it isn't how things are. They aren't willing to be different.
      And when it comes to liberalism, my experiences that make the most angry with 95% of the liberals I have ever met, known, or spoke to in anyway is that they want to preach about open mindedness, how things should be, people being insensitive.... and yet as soon as you confront them with their own actions or own beliefs or present ones that are different than own.... the become the very things they claim to hate so much.
      They become hypocritical (which we all do from time to time) in the worst possible way: hypocritical with zero insight into themselves and an unwillingness to see it any other way.... even if logic and facts are staring them straight int he face, they would rather continue on feeling and thinking whatever they want because, as you would say, it is where they feel the most comfortable.
    • Jen Scofield

      I hope you feel as though I have given you enough respect to take the time to fully explain to the best of my ability because I think you reaching out for answers is brave and admirable, and you are worth taking the time.
      (sorry.... redundant.... finals week brain fry) lol


      • Friend
        Lol, I hear about brain fry. I just read all what you said and I appreciate what you say. We may not agree on everything, but we agree on most which is what we said last. Great conversation though. Youve had experience with people the same as i have, but in different situations. I really wouldn't mind having more of these. I like to surround myself with those that permit me to think outside of the box more often. Intelligence is a beautiful thing to waste and surrounding yourself with those that enhance it is refreshing.
      • Friend
        If you ever feel like engaging in a conversation, I am more than welcoming. I can learn from you which means more to me than your political views or how you view mine. I actually don't even discuss politics for personal reasons.
        And one more thing, I would love to say more since this is a great conversation, but it is finals week and I want us both to do well. Not to mention, conversation like this is best suited for in person. Which btw, I think we owe each other a drink.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Personal Ethics and Business*


Originally written for my ethics and entrepreneur class, I decided I thought it was worth sharing :) Enjoy.


          While successful business ownership is built by the hard work of many, it truly begins with the ethics and values of one. So many new business owners overlook the important step of personal development and defining their own code of ethics, and too often it comes back as a lesson that can cost them both personally and professionally. Throughout the first half of this class, there has been a large emphasis on the importance of knowing thyself and being able to observe that which defines one’s decision making. In the internal struggle between right versus wrong, good decisions versus poor ones, those who don’t have a clear representation of what their personal ethical values are will allow circumstance to dictate their actions. This can lead to poor decision making, and often leave one with feeling as though they have compromised themselves in the process.
          Personal ethics are a large part of what ends up becoming business culture. They change and evolve with the person who constructs them, ever molding into something that one would hope would be better than before. With knowledge, responsibility, and experience come a whole new set of standards and values. Maintaining personal ethics is an ongoing process that must be re-evaluated on a regular basis because our lives are ever changing. We are constantly receiving new input, experiences, feelings, thoughts, and reactions. We have relationships that change, grow, or diminish and the associated lessons that come along with each. Throughout this process we call life, our personal ethics are constantly being called into question and challenged by ourselves and others. We can choose to hold fast to these ethics, change them, update them, or let them go as we see fit.
          Many people never stop to question what it is they really believe in. They have a general idea, but don’t have a concrete grasp of what it is that make them who they are. They know that there are certain things that they like or dislike, want or don’t want, but don’t know anything about the blueprint of their character that shapes everything they do. They don’t take the time to understand their successes or failures, and ask themselves what they can do to up their life fulfillment quotient. Often people will invest in new cars, new clothes, or other material items that they think are going to make them successful, but far fewer make the best investment they could ever make to impact their life: themselves. Personal ethics and personal development as a whole have a lot to offer when it comes to getting where one wants to go. While they are not tools that are easy to use because they force one to ask themselves the hard questions that can sometimes be difficult to answer, they are valuable beyond measure. They are the flashlight shined on the monsters under the bed, the guiding light to bring the ship ashore.
The bedrock of both personal and professional ethics must be solid and well defined with ingredients that are engineered for success. What I believe to be the best foundation for any personal code of ethics and a great value for business culture is integrity. The dictionary defines integrity as:
Adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character;
honesty; the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished; a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition.”
While that definition gives a basis for understanding, integrity is so much more than a few words on a page or a buzzword to be thrown around to feel good about one’s character. Integrity is a lifestyle. It is walking the walk when others want to talk the talk. It is about being dependable, reliable, a person of your word. It is about acting in the same caliber you would in a room full of people, when no one is watching. Integrity is doing the right thing, standing up for what you believe in, and doing so with honor, honesty, and pride. The great philosopher Immanuel Kant said it best when it comes to a guideline for integrity and personal ethics as a whole when he wrote his categorical imperative. His rule? "Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law without contradiction.” If one should act at all times as though what they do will become a universal law and all people from that moment would act as they do in the same situation, they would quickly find that which they find ethically valuable.
          In business, the values of those who create it make a huge impact on the company’s culture. Personal ethics quickly translate to the overall message and face of the business in numerous ways, and become the foundation by which the business will crumble or flourish. While it is impossible to know exactly what to do in each and every ethical decision that will be faced, by establishing a strong framework of ethics a compass is created that will guide one through any tough situation. This is important for the culture of any company, big or small. If the owner and the employees know what the company values, and it is communicated in a way where there is no grey area to the ethical beliefs of the business, employees can be empowered to make sound decisions that will benefit all involved.
 Few business owners realize that not only is their ethical groundwork shaping their business, but their employees as well. A large portion of life is dedicated to work, and the work environment shapes and molds individuals that work within its walls both personally and professionally. Strong company ethics become engrained in the person, and translate into their life outside the business. Their decisions both on the clock and off become a reflection of the kind of ethics they deal with the most. It impacts their confidence, their character, and their own standards by which they hold the other people in their lives. Ethics is like a large boulder hurled into a lake: the splash and subsequent ripples reach far beyond the break in the water’s surface. This is why it is so important to be well established in strong ethical code… it affects everyone that comes in contact with the source.
          There will always be an ethical decision to face, a hardship to confront, or stand to be made. Such decisions will affect one’s character, relationships, business, and all of those who depend on them. While all of the world’s wrongs cannot be undone with a snap of the fingers, change begins in one place that can reverberate to stretches far beyond that which can be imagined. One person acting kindly, ethically, and justly can change the face of business and the lives of all whom that business touches. It can make all the difference the world needs. And it just starts with one.