yellow roses and mango...*

yellow roses and mango...*

Current mood:contemplative

::sigh::

wow i'm a little tired... a little wired... and just a little... jaded.

i hope all of you are having a great day today  I thought that i would post because i'm having another one of those moments where i feel the need to dump my guts all over the internet 

I looked at an apartment today... it was awesome. I was most definitely excited. I know that at this point... logically i shouldn't... however i really really want to. I would have close to no furniture and would have to live off of top ramen for the next 100 years to make sure i'm steady but it would be a place of my own to call home. I'm going to have to wait until the end of january just because my dad has raised a very guilty conscious yet very monitarily aware daughter... meaning unfortunately i have to do the responsible thing and wait.

This topic... along with many others inside of my head... have literally made me nuts lately. I feel the emotions starting to turn off (as they always do) when i get stressed about this kind of thing. The future is a crazy thing to think about. We all want things to work out to be that perfect life we have always dreamed of having... the perfect job with the perfect pay for the perfect house with the perfect family...

its so hard to attain.

Its funny to look around and realize that there is always a chance that somewhere along the line you are going to make the wrong decision... take the wrong road... and then wake up twenty years later to realize that nothing is the way you wanted it to turn out and now you are stuck with no way to go back and make things better. Its like one of my favorite movies... American Beauty... that is the kind of thing i mean. I don't want to make the wrong decision... take the wrong road and realize its not what i wanted with no way to fix it. No one ever aspires to get laid off or be homeless or any of the million things that are less than perfect that happen every day.

Do the best you can they say.

Well... the best I can... sometimes i worry it won't be good enough. Shoot for the moon that way if you miss you will be sure to land among stars.

Fuck that. If  I shoot for the moon I want the goddamn moon.

Funny isn't it? Life never is what it seems...

... where's the fairytale ending? wheres the amazing wonder and beauty and perfect plan that is suppost to exsist for us?

All you have is you... only you can make it happen... never settle and never look back... you only get one shot to do it right.*

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*