fluffy possum chronicles*: October 2006

Thursday, October 26, 2006

psh.. what a bunch of bullshit*

Current mood:

cranky

So i absolutely hate feeling like i have no control in a situation that has an awful lot to do with me!!! isn't that irritating?! i think it is.

And i love the snow... lots of fun... unless you have to drive from 92nd and wads to 52nd and wads to 88th and garrisonish to 20th and wads to 112th and Huron to pomona high school to quay to finally home back on 88th. FUCKING LAME!!! not to mention all the time i spent at each location... haven't been home all fucking day! GRRRR. Lots on my mind about worthless shit... tired, headache, hungry and now leaving again to go to the grocery store. WooT wOOt for me

i'm sure you'll hear more whining from me later but for now i'm out....

... sherbert pervert and the adventures of the dumb fucking snow people...

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

a rollercoaster in the dark*

Current mood:

worried

it catches in your throat.

you feel like you can't breathe.

your eyes burn and you feel like your heart is going to explode if you move even an inch.

you are determined no one will see the tears...you are too tough for that...

but to fall so hard ... so fast... without a safety net....

to let go completely of all fear and know that you would give yourself completey...

only to be questioned... only to be untrusted...

its like a rollercoaster in the dark...

you can't see the tracks ahead

and you wonder when you're going to run out of road....

always wondering if the next step is going to be your last.

you realize you have done to others as now is being done to you

you feel the pain that it is to care.

Too much... not enough.... too fast... too slow...

...fear of the unknown lurking in the dark makes the right choices

unperceivable and the perception of the monster under the bed

become as real as the sweat running down your face.

Hindsight is twenty twenty...

ups and downs are unpredictable until you've already climbed the hill..

... all you can do is trust in yourself

and know that your heart would not deceive you.

Trust that the next hill isn't going to be the downward fall

where you run out of track to fall into a dark oblivion...

trust that you are not the only one riding in the dark...

... in movement there is life... fear makes movement complicated... be your own compass....

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

Thursday, October 12, 2006

a general term with such a detailed meaning... *

Current mood:

thoughtful

Love.

Its a strange word isn't it? I mean it can mean so many things and be expressed into so many different ways that how can we possibly fit all of that stuff into one catagory such as this? And what makes love last? Some people say that it takes a lot of communication and trust... others say its all about respect. I heard a really good point of view on the situation once that I have never forgotten. A woman married 75 years was asked how they made it through so long. She said that it was simple... they never fell out of love at the same time. Sometimes one person puts in more effort.. sometimes the other does.... but as long as at least someone pushes through the tough times and never gives up.. you are sure to make it. I think its so amazing and so completely rare to find real true love... someone that would never say anything to hurt you or do anything to disrespect you... someone that can love you for you and all of who you are, even if they don't agree with some of the things that make you that way. Someone that can love your body and your mind... with the bumps bruises scars and flaws both physically and emotionally. No one is perfect. But sometimes... once in a great while we have the chance to be something more.... to contribute to the happiness in another person's life... to give ourselves and our knowledge to another in order to enrich their life as well as our own. Great love... great relationships form out of an unspoken law... the same law that creates sparks and fire when two objects are forced together with just the right speed and just the right amout of pressure. But they have to be right. You cant bang a stick against a leaf and expect to get fire. But you have to know what you are made of. You have to know what you want, what you need, and who you are to be able to give someone else the very best and find that second piece to make your flame. You have to be comfortable with the things you cannot change and you have to find someone that is compatible with those things.

Be who you are. Be open, be honest.... because you can only be yourself... everyone else is taken. To be loved for who you are not or try to change and mold yourself into a rock when you're really a stick is going against who you are and will ultimately be the demise of a relationship. So be honest from the beginning. Never do something in the start of a relationship that you don't intend to do forever. Your partner will feel deceived and you will wonder what happened when it doesn't work out. So many times we question why something fell apart when the answer is right in front of us... even when we choose not to see it. Life is too short to waste your time with the wrong person or without the right person simply because its easier to go with the grain. Who cares about what others say... advice is simply advice... you always have the ultimate decision. If you feel that someone is your rock then who cares if anyone else thinks they are.... relationships are a team... 100/100 not just 50/50. To win in this game of life you gotta stick with your team... they will be your everything. Especially if it means someone you love... someone with a future... someone you plan or are hoping to spend the rest of your life with. Don't settle... keep your eyes to the stars... and do what's best for you. Everything else will fall into place...

~ ... kisses like whispers... spark a flame...~

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

Monday, October 2, 2006

the leaves are gorgeous... the rest SUCKS!*

Current mood:

discontent

so ya, today was lame. The yard looks gorgeous and I'm trying to be happy because afterall... its fall and fall is my favorite season!! Everything is so pretty and the clothes are getting comfy and I just love this time of year. On that note, this is probably going to be a long blog. A little bit of bitching about my absolutely !!horrendous!! day followed with a swallow of philosophy because well... it makes me feel better to rationalize the shittiness

....

Got up, took corrie to school, went to the gas station to get the usual gatorade and mag for the gym, hit the gym, came home... and somewhere in the fucking equasion i lost my phone

(so if you have been trying to call or text and haven't been able to get ahold of me... that's why). So, I came home from the gym, took a shower and got all clean and nice to go run errands and found out that emissions and new tags for my truck were altogether going to run me about 150.00 and oh that's right, I"M BROKE.So i said fuck that and decided I would stay home and feel sorry for myself all day

because I'm special that way. Nothing has really been going right lately... it seems like anything that can go wrong does. Now usually I try to see the benefit in any given situation but right now, I'm just plainPISSY. It has just been a horrible couple of weeks and i'm more than ready for them to be over with....

It could always be worse. Whenever we think that things are the worse they could possibly be I think its important to look outside ourselves and look at the bigger picture. I mean really... in the grand scheme of things, how important is it really that I lost a cell phone when there is so many worse things? Yes, it kinda sucks for me, especially because I am broke, but I'm not wondering where my next meal is going to come from, my family and friends are healthy (aside from the stunningly elaborate digestive firework show they showcase every weekend from being too nice to Jose)... things just aren't spectacular. But spectacular comes from within. If I want things to be spectacular I have to work to make them that way. Life rewards action. Nothing is free but you always have options. Which is nice when you are going through a rough patch.... it all evens out if you choose it to. If you really think about all the choices we have... all the choices we make on a daily basis... possibilities are endless and potential is infinate. There is this old saying... hardship is opportunity in disguise. Without rough patches we couldn't grow.... change is movement and in movement there is life. Sometimes the rough spot is losing a cell phone you can't afford to replace... sometimes its an abusive lover or a sick family member. Things can always be worse but as long as we have choice we have the ability to change those rough spots... work through them, find our options, and use them as new pavement for a smoother ride in the future. May every day bring us all a glorious new array of possibility for that is the one thing that keeps us getting up each day... the uncertain promise of tomorrow's wonder.*

.-* must be the leaves *-.