natural beauty*
Current mood:
thoughtful
I sit here currently smelly and tired but accomplished.thoughtfulI look at the bulletin board in front of me... filled with pictures from times in life where no words could express the emotions of the moment... when only a picture would do. Pictures old and new of people come and gone... yet each one made an impact. Pictures of playing video games with an old love, wrestling pictures with an ex best friend, drunken hot tub hospitality, sweet little nephews, and high school dances. In these pictures a theme is reflected... my life has been beautiful.
Sometimes life can be over whelming. The bad things creep up on you and soon you forget what that life is all about living. Plants don't grow without sunshine AND rain... so is life. Life goes through seasons both physically and mentally... and sometimes you go through a season that feels as if its all rain. The problem arises when you let those rainy days cloud out the sunny ones... refusing to see that the rain has passed and you've made it into the light.
I feel as though I've just waken up from a very long sleep and in doing so realize that I haven't been living the past few years... simply going bitterly through the motions. I have so much to be thankful for... so many things I have wanted and worked for have come full circle. But with every action there's a price.
My price has been a large one.
For a long time I just couldn't see it. The rain had been pouring so hard in my life that I couldn't see through it.. couldn't see the pain I was causing not only myself but the people that meant the most to me as well. And by the time I made it through the other side, some of those relationships have been damaged what feels like beyond repair. A relationship that helped to make me who I am... a relationship I've never had to live without.
In a war... there are many casualties... including wars that you have with yourself.
Because you see, whether you think you effect others or not... you do. Some will stick by you, riding out the rough waters. Some will distance themselves, loving from a distance until the ride becomes smoother. And others will call game over, and walk away forever.
Everyone makes a choice. People do the best they can with what they have. Yes, the pain of another's decision can be astounding. You can't help but think of the memories you shared, the love you felt, and the bond you shared. You can't help but feel the sting of their absence... never having been without them... wondering if they feel it too. But there are things that you cannot control. Things that despite the desperation you may feel to pull or push or grasp for any small chance to keep that small thread by which that person links to you... in the end, you have to let go.
Life has its way of creating balance... tipping the scales until an equilibrium is reached. Sometimes the things that it drops off have a lot of weight in your life... a lot of meaning, a lot of love, a lot of history. The scales are constantly trying to balance throughout life... someday that weight may be thrown back onto the scale of your life to balance something else out in the future. It may not. But either way you can only deal with what your scale has on it now... and value the many treasures you have gained. Appreciate life, despite what feels like a devistating loss.
There is strength in forgiveness.
We all go through times in life where we have been the source of someone else's pain... times when we have been the rock that upsets an otherwise peaceful pond. We also go through times when our pond has been upset by someone else's rock. But there is power in forgiveness. Forgiving yourself for the pain you feel you have caused yourself... the losses you have incured because of your own actions. Forgiving others for the things that they have done to ripple the pond... knowing that we all are simply human... no one can win them all.
Keep your head up... enjoy life... see the beauty all around you. Don't dwell on what you have lost... hope that one day it will once again be found, be salvaged, but don't let your rain block out your sunshine. Appreciate the love that is given to you for it is the most beautiful gift you will ever be given. Give love generously to those who are worthy of it. Show your appreciation for the love you receive and remember the value of each individual in your own life. Respect people... remeber that everyone has someone to teach you.
And embrace the sunshine. Seeing the beauty of a day where the sunset brightly lights a soft shower of rain makes life worth living. Laughter through tears. And remember... you are the best thing you have to give and the best thing you'll ever have. You won't always be for everyone, but those who see the value you possess you have the power to make an impact on their life... more so, love them for the impact they make on yours.
... must be the puppy chow...
excited
thankful
