better off knowing*
sometimes I think I must have idiot printed on my forehead.
People come to me for advice all the time. Its who I am. But somehow, i never can manage my own situations nearly as well as I can theirs.
I've managed to do this to myself again. I should just forget it completely. I'm not a big fan of whining or pity parties but I think a little dishing is in order. How is it that when you don't care if someone is around or not they are always around but when you are dying to be near them they're no where to be found?
I'm quite the extremist. Everyone knows and most of the time its a perk. Never afraid to look silly... never afraid to take a risk... always can put a smile on the face of someone i'm close to.
Except with him.
"Him" is quite an encompassing word. Not necessarily any him in particular... just the him who ever "him" is at the moment. I've recently noticed I may be a tough guy... I may have the I can do it on my own mind set... I may be perfectly content with or without people around... except for when there's a him. When there is a him I want him around all the time. When there is a him i'm constantly wondering what "him" is doing... constantly wondering how things are going to work. I've always been easy going... just want to have fun and make people smile.
But "him" makes me crazy. I act differently, think differently, and i'm always on the look out for a reason to run... in the beginning. And most don't make it past the beginning because I always find a way ... a loop hole through which I can make a clean getaway.
Nothing feels worse then feeling you have been tricked. Tricked into thinking about him all the time by the way he smiles at you...
tricked into thinking this one is worth staying for by the way he makes you laugh...
tricked into falling by the way he looks into your eyes and touches your face...
but with no intention to catch you.
Tricked.
Suddenly the him doesn't return your phone calls. Suddenly you feel like a bother... like you are wasting his very valuable time. Sure there are plenty of "him"s out there... but sometimes its just him that you want.
Time to move forward.
No reason to chase someone that doesn't want to be caught. No reason to romance someone who couldn't care less. No reason to put so much thought into someone in which you are the farthest thing from their mind.
Timing is everything. But you can't take back what has already happened. Can't undo the connections that have already been made... can't unfeel the feelings that cause crazy butterflies every time he's near.
So be yourself. Do the things you've always done. And remember that there will always be other butterflies to be had, other kisses to share...
There is greatness in everyone. Amazing things that make them unique and wonderful...
and there is someone that will see yours...
if you're patient... they will come...*
Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*
