I’ve made it....21*

I’ve made it....21*

Current mood:accomplished

If I've said it once i've said it a thousand times...

life is beautiful.

I can't believe I made it. There were lots of bets that I wouldn't  ... especially because of all the stupid shit i've done to get here. But its truly amazing how your eyes can be opened, and you'd be amazed at how much you've changed since your last "big birthday". The people that have helped to shape the person you are now... the events that bring both laughter and tears. How the time has flown.

Memories. Treasures that give your life sparkle and add meaning to times you'd least expect. I've come to realize that in life its not about the end result... not about the destination but about the journey. Its not about the petty fights, not about being busy or stressed... its about handling it the right way to preserve your friendships, your heart, the greater good, and most of all your sanity.

Its about trying to remember that its not about being right, its about being happy.

Dont sweat the petty stuff... and dont pet the sweaty stuff. Scratch that... sweaty stuff is fun... pet away. 

I look around and think back and realize how truly lucky i have been. Granted... not all of it was luck... hard work can get you far. But the people i have been so lucky to share my life with... that was luck. So, in the interest of passing on just a few of the things i've learned (the hard way, the easy way, and just plain dumb tripped upon) from the people that help to make me... me.

It never hurts to be silly.. and there is no such thing as a stupid question...

...if it makes someone laugh it was worth it. Extra points if you can laugh at yourself.

Time heals all.

Your best friends are invaluable, inventive, and ten times smarter than you think they are. Best friends are the quintessential 20/20 hindsight before you have to use your own.

Listen to your mother.

Money problems aren't solved with money. Money is only money.

Taking risks are the only way grow. But make sure to water your plants.

Drag Queen hairstylists get very pissed at you when you color your hair "out of the box".

Motorcycles don't like medians.

Nothing beats falling asleep with your best friend after taco bell and a movie.

You have the power to make all of your dreams come true.

Hard work and determination can get you every where you want to go...

...make the most of the time you have with those you love.

Love unconditionally.

The older you get the more thankful you will be to have those around who knew you when you were young.

Don't hold things over other people's heads. All that happens is that the things you thought gave you the upper hand and control have only turned into a noose by which you hang only yourself.

You never know what you have until its gone... like pickles, cheese, vanilla coke, and hairspray bands.

With all this information and all these years under my belt I feel like its time to make a difference. A difference in the lifes of others, in my own life. Undo wrongs that have been done. I'm always amazed at what happens when you take pride in the good things but keep pride from making things bad. Its never too late to do the right thing. There's no better time then now. Be all you can be. Do the best you can for all you can when ever you can.

You always have a choice.

21 YEARS BABY!!! WOOOOOO HOOOOO!

...must be the puppy chow.

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

natural beauty*

natural beauty*

Current mood:thoughtful

I sit here currently smelly and tired but accomplished.

I look at the bulletin board in front of me... filled with pictures from times in life where no words could express the emotions of the moment... when only a picture would do. Pictures old and new of people come and gone... yet each one made an impact. Pictures of playing video games with an old love, wrestling pictures with an ex best friend, drunken hot tub hospitality, sweet little nephews, and high school dances. In these pictures a theme is reflected... my life has been beautiful.

Sometimes life can be over whelming. The bad things creep up on you and soon you forget what that life is all about living. Plants don't grow without sunshine AND rain... so is life. Life goes through seasons both physically and mentally... and sometimes you go through a season that feels as if its all rain. The problem arises when you let those rainy days cloud out the sunny ones... refusing to see that the rain has passed and you've made it into the light.

I feel as though I've just waken up from a very long sleep and in doing so realize that I haven't been living the past few years... simply going bitterly through the motions. I have so much to be thankful for... so many things I have wanted and worked for have come full circle. But with every action there's a price.

My price has been a large one.

For a long time I just couldn't see it. The rain had been pouring so hard in my life that I couldn't see through it.. couldn't see the pain I was causing not only myself but the people that meant the most to me as well. And by the time I made it through the other side, some of those relationships have been damaged what feels like beyond repair. A relationship that helped to make me who I am... a relationship I've never had to live without.

In a war... there are many casualties... including wars that you have with yourself.

Because you see, whether you think you effect others or not... you do. Some will stick by you, riding out the rough waters. Some will distance themselves, loving from a distance until the ride becomes smoother. And others will call game over, and walk away forever.

Everyone makes a choice. People do the best they can with what they have. Yes, the pain of another's decision can be astounding. You can't help but think of the memories you shared, the love you felt, and the bond you shared. You can't help but feel the sting of their absence... never having been without them... wondering if they feel it too. But there are things that you cannot control. Things that despite the desperation you may feel to pull or push or grasp for any small chance to keep that small thread by which that person links to you... in the end, you have to let go.

Life has its way of creating balance... tipping the scales until an equilibrium is reached. Sometimes the things that it drops off have a lot of weight in your life... a lot of meaning, a lot of love, a lot of history. The scales are constantly trying to balance throughout life... someday that weight may be thrown back onto the scale of your life to balance something else out in the future. It may not. But either way you can only deal with what your scale has on it now... and value the many treasures you have gained. Appreciate life, despite what feels like a devistating loss.

There is strength in forgiveness.

We all go through times in life where we have been the source of someone else's pain... times when we have been the rock that upsets an otherwise peaceful pond. We also go through times when our pond has been upset by someone else's rock. But there is power in forgiveness. Forgiving yourself for the pain you feel you have caused yourself... the losses you have incured because of your own actions. Forgiving others for the things that they have done to ripple the pond... knowing that we all are simply human... no one can win them all.

Keep your head up... enjoy life... see the beauty all around you. Don't dwell on what you have lost... hope that one day it will once again be found, be salvaged, but don't let your rain block out your sunshine. Appreciate the love that is given to you for it is the most beautiful gift you will ever be given. Give love generously to those who are worthy of it. Show your appreciation for the love you receive and remember the value of each individual in your own life. Respect people... remeber that everyone has someone to teach you.

And embrace the sunshine. Seeing the beauty of a day where the sunset brightly lights a soft shower of rain makes life worth living. Laughter through tears. And remember... you are the best thing you have to give and the best thing you'll ever have. You won't always be for everyone, but those who see the value you possess you have the power to make an impact on their life... more so, love them for the impact they make on yours.


... must be the puppy chow...

2008 LADIES OF SPORTBIKES.NET CALENDAR!!! I’M OCTOBER, PICK ONE UP FOR CHARITY!!!*

2008 LADIES OF SPORTBIKES.NET CALENDAR!!! I’M OCTOBER, PICK ONE UP FOR CHARITY!!!*

Current mood:excited

hey guys! the beautiful girls of SBN have come together to raise money for charity with a 2008 Calendar. Tammy aka "Acalliste" (december) did an amazing job... please pick one up! Make sure you comment me to let me know you got one!

Thanks guys!! :D you can order through the link below :)

2008 Ladies of Sportbikes.net Calendar

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

FuCk tHe MeN leT’s dRinK to Us... Part 2*

FuCk tHe MeN leT’s dRinK to Us... Part 2*

Current mood:thankful

I should be in bed. I should be sleeping. I'm not.

I propose a toast... again. (this is part two. the original was written over a year ago and i'm amazed how much my life has changed...and its always good to remind yourself of what you're thankful for) 

...to stinky little snakes with legs who make your apartment smell horrible...

...to not being able to smell that stink... 

...to realizing your life is in transition, and looking forward to what's ahead...

...to that pang of jealousy that lets you know you care...

...to the bite mark bruises on the back of your arm...

...to peaches...

...to taco bell hot sauce being the best on any type of food...

...to growing up...

...to new chapters in life...

...to realizing you never needed them as much as you thought...

...to missing them all the same.

...to lime green hummers... 

...to secrets...

...to pretty white carpets spilled on by strange tea from sonic...

...to down comforters...

...to cuddling...

...to us...

...to sleeping late... 

...to letting go...

...to playing guitar hero all night long with your second dad...

...to your little sisters being your best friends, your entertainment, and the ones who always eat the last of your cajun chicken top ramen...

...to the pussy posse, rokkit girls, chic riders, womin x, and sick girls...

...to the female riders that represent every day...

...to road rash...

...to gear...

...to how she looks in the sun after she's just been polished...

...even better... to how she looks under parking lot lights at night...

...to her scratches...

...to late night rides together where its so cold you feel like you are going to fall asleep and never wake up... but wouldn't wish to be anywhere else...

...to ant killer... 

...to realize that hating her doesn't make her go away...

...to being the only dork in the sportbike community that refuses to get rid of her fender...

...to that first ride alone...

...to long hot motorcycle safety courses... and to being the only one who didn't drop the bike...

...to Woody's hot wings for every meal you can...

...to living across the hall from an old friend...

...to old friends...

...to the texas longhorns and that wonderful orange color that never gets old...

...to being independent...

...to learning...

...to amazing yourself with the things you can do...

...to letting go...

...to boucing back...

...to sitting on the carpet of your apartment... watching robin williams and eating hot wings with your favorite wife...

...to big bear...

...to vanilla coke zero...

...to leaving the job you hate but staying in the same field youve grown to love...

...to pictures... in albums, on your computer, and in your heart...

...to homemade christmas presents that always mean the most...

...to furry friends, relatives, and children...

...to the sisters that take care of everything (including you... a sobbing mess on the floor) when one of the furry friends passes away...

...to hookie cookie...

...to getting up early to take her to school...

...to staying up late with her to watch every episode of buffy...

...to missing your girls...

...to fitting into old jeans you haven't been able to wear in years...

...to the gym, to the trainer, and to all the hot guys you get to watch on the treadmill...

...to a night of walking everywhere because your truck broke down... and really enjoying it...

...to adventure...

...to reflection...

...to sunsets...

...to the nice neighbor with the boxer that lives upstairs and always says hi...

...to old hockey sticks...

...to old teammates...

...to piercings and tattoos being as addictive as mountain dew...

...to mountain dew...

...to memories...

...to being needed...

...to being okay with needing...

...to progression, advancement, and achievement...

...to new beginnings as the you that you love...

...to taking risks...

...to being silly...

...to pink pearl hangers...

...to walk through closets...

...to nakedness...

...to forgiveness...

...to being the bigger person...

...to being thankful for all that you have seen... all that you have loved... all that you have worked for and been given...

And to deciding that those men aren't always so bad... maybe they can drink with us too....

...must be the puppy chow...

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

First rate version of you... Not a second rate of someone else*

First rate version of you... Not a second rate of someone else*

Current mood:contemplative

In life, there is only one you. Only you can build you up... only you can destroy you. You is the only you the world will ever know. It is so important to not allow the actions of others to take that away.

Some will emulate you. Others will emulate them. Its a vicious cycle. But in a lot of ways, its like the boogy man under the bed scenario... shine the light, take away the teeth, and suddenly, the way you once viewed the situation has disintegrated. That includes taking the teeth away from yourself.

There will always be those that want to cut you down... those that constantly want to one up you... and those that stand on the sidelines and secretly fan the flames. They do what you do, go where you go, strive for goals that you have made for yourself all in an effort, it seems, to build themselves up and tear you down.

                                         " ....anything you can do I can do better....."

Recently I have been going through this exact situation. I would catch wind of things that would happen and become absolutely furious. Why me? Why does she have to go there or do that or talk to them? Why does she have to be injected into my life when I have tried so hard to get rid of her? I let someone else so easily take over without any contact in a moments notice. And then I got a wake up call.

People do what they do, be who and what they will be. But when that isn't who they are... people see right through it. Sometimes we ourselves don't think that people understand...that they just don't see. And in the beginning they may not. But after awhile of you doing things and then suddenly having it echo... it becomes apparent to all who are aware of it.

In my case, instead of letting that echo sound off and then fade into the distance, I would encourage it... going more and more insane from arguing with that echo inside my own life.

If you scream into a cave at the top of your lungs and continue to do so, eventually you're going to get a headache. The only way to get rid of that headache is to stop screaming.

Just let go. People can't take yourself away from you. The people that love you recognize that the anger, the hate, and the frustration that changes you. There's nothing that you can do about other people, you only have control over yourself. And when you allow yourself to be affected by factors that you can't control (no matter what situation it may apply to) there is always a significant risk of losing control over yourself... or should i say ALLOWING yourself to lose control. In my case... it just so happens that losing myself... losing what makes me unique has always been a fear of mine...

                                                                      ...what you fear you create.

If you fear losing a special person in your life, often you cling to them and in turn, drive them away. If you fear losing yourself, especially to someone else, you act inways that you don't usually act... in turn losing the person you are in a desperate attempt to gain control of the other person's actions... something of which you cannot control.

The only cure is to let go. To accept.

..must be the puppy chow...

(to my close friends that have helped me find myself again lately... those that love me and help me and stick by me... even when its hard... even through scenarios such as this one (where you have to hear a lot of bitching for a very long time before it goes away) ... to those who listen... put up... and shut (me) up... I love you) 

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

Wear Leather* (freakin’ awesome :D )

Wear Leather* (freakin’ awesome :D )

Current mood:accomplished

-*Wear Leather*- (biker version of Wear Sunscreen)

If I could offer you only one tip for improving your life, wearing
Leather would be it.

The long term benefits of leather have been proved by serious bikers
Over many highways and many years, whereas wearing something unreliable like
shorts and flipflops means you will experience a trip to the emergency room.
There, uncaring nurses will scrub gravel out of your wounds, and doctors
will dispense ineffective painkillers and meaningless advice ... like
telling you to trade that "murdercycle" in for a Camry.

Bull(shoot). I will dispense some real advice right now:

Enjoy the power and beauty of your ride; If you don't already; you can
Fully enjoy it by doing block-long smokey burnouts in the parking lot at the
Local drive-in. Pass slower bikers on the right inside of the uphill curve
When they will not let you pass to the left.

Trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at the photos of you and your
pals on your bikes and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much
fun you had and how fabulous you really looked hauling (donkey hole) down the highway dressed in leather.

Leather is as sexy as you imagine.

Don't worry about what your Mom thinks; or worry about what others
think.
Know that worrying about what other people think is as effective as
Trying to scratch your nose in a blinding hailstorm at 80 m.p.h. with a full-
Face helmet and winter gloves on. The real troubles in your life are apt to
Be Volvo stationwagons, driven by some dipstick talking into his cell
phone or doing her makeup; the kind that blindside you at 4 PM on some urban
roadway and then claim you crashed into THEM.

Do one thing everyday that scares other drivers... Lanesplit.

Ladies, learn to ride and then ride often. Nothing is more of an
Equalizer than a woman, dressed in leather, astride her own machine.
Gentlemen, respect the ladies who ride, for they could very well have been the
Rider that waxed your fanny in the mountian curves you just came through.

Sing into your helmet. Use mouthwash first. Keep mints handy.

Don't be reckless with other people's bikes, especially if you don't
Have insurance. Don't put up with people who mess with yours.... in fact,
Beat them with a chain.

Ride Fast.

Don't waste your money on chrome, or fancy paintjobs; spend it on
racing or partying. Sometimes you're fast, sometimes you're slow. Sometimes
you're hungover. The ride is long, and in the end, a cold beer tastes pretty
damn good.

Remember the good rides you've had, forget the cuts and bruises.

Watch cage drivers to not signal before pulling into your lane. Be
alert for brainless cage drivers to pull an opposing left turn in front of you.
May the fool on four wheels in front of you have working brake lights.

Try to wear out the sides of your tires before the middle.... if you
Succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your oil changed, throw away old traffic citations.

Enjoy your bike, use it every way you can...don't be afraid of it, or
What other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument of pleasure
you'll ever own, not counting porn sites and a fast modem.

Take chances.

Don't feel guilty if you ride faster than the posted limit ...the most
interesting people I know didn't know at 22 how to ride conservatively,
all the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of saddle time.

Be kind to your passengers, you'll miss them if they fall off.

Maybe you'll crash, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have surgery, maybe
You won't, maybe you'll ride a cruiser off a cliff doing 40, maybe you'll
get a new motocrosser for your 75th birthday ...whatever you ride, don't
congratulate yourself too much - your choices are 90% foreign, 10%
domestic; so are everyone else's.

Wrench... even if you have nowhere to do it but in your hotel room.

Do not read American motorcycle magazines, they will only make you wish
you'd bought a British one instead. Read British motorcycle magazines
and laugh at how the brits laugh at americans. Stay away from German
motorcycle magazines, they are too serious and difficult to read.

Read the owner's manual, even though you won't remember any of it.

Get to know your brake pads, you never know when they'll be gone for
good. Remember, brake pads let you stop. Be nice to your tires; they are your
link to the pavement and the things most likely to save your butt from a
nasty highside.

Understand that mechanics comes and mechanics go, but for a precious
talented few you should pay them well and buy them sixpacks. Work hard
to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older your bike
gets, the more you'll need the mechanic who worked on it when it was young
and still not paid off.

Ride in New York City once, but leave before you get killed; ride in
Northern California whenever possible, but leave a plausible excuse
When calling in sick for work. Ride in the Ozarks and learn the trick of the
curve. Ride the Blue Ridge Parkway and learn to be smooth. Ride through
Deals Gap and live to tell others about it. Stop and watch others ride
through Deals Gap and applaud when others do it well.

Do lurid wheelies.

Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, traffic will get
worse, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you
were young, gasoline was cheap, the highway patrol couldn't catch you, and
Harley owners weren't all yuppies.

Respect your rev-limiter.

Don't expect anyone else to see your bike unless it has really loud
pipes.

Maybe your bike has a big gas tank, maybe a smaller one; but remember,
either way you'll have to make bathroom stops.

Stop and offer help to the stranded motorcyclist along the open road,
For the next you come along could very well be yourself.
Don't mess too much with your carburetors, or by the time your done,
you'll be walking home and your pipes will be blue.

Be careful whose advice you buy, and save your receipts. Don't take
Advice from those who supply it for free, especially if they own a Britbike.

Motorcycle restoration is a form of self-torture. Doing it is a way of
pulling the past from the dustbin, degreasing it, painting over the
rusty parts and dumping way more money into it than it's worth. Indian
restoration is a truely refined ailment that is only cured by death or an unlimited
bank account.

But trust me on the leather...

It starts today*

It starts today*

Current mood:curious

Things come and go. Shit happens how it happens. I'm not going to try to hold on to anything with a tight grip any longer.

Living for others is hard. Constantly trying to do and say and be the right thing. Passing up things you want and deserve in favor of what another. Today I start living for me again. Taking other peoples issues and making them your own is a fast ticket into an early grave.

what do i want? I've had a hard time with that question lately... and i'm on a mission to figure it out. Life is too short to live by anyone elses rules, and to be empathetic is one thing but to make their issues your issues and have it effect your daily life and mind and more importantly your happiness... is just taking it too far.

you can't pour two full glasses into a third and expect things not to overflow ;)

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

what it takes...*

what it takes...*

Current mood:creative

Life can be very complicated. Insight is always appreciated.

Pain comes in many forms... mental... emotional... physical...

sometimes they blend together so much that you can no longer seperate them into catagories.

Sometimes I wonder what I've been doing with my life the past two years. Scratch that... I've been a mental case for almost four now.

Somewhere along the line I lost myself. To be honest, I think I gave myself away a long time ago and when things went bad... among the pictures and sweatshirts and baseball hats.... I was the one thing I forgot to get back. Since then I have not been myself and it definitely shows.... But then again... what if that's not who I am anymore?

I most certainly think that I want to be something else. I'm tired of being one of the guys instead of "that" girl... I'm tired of feeling like I have no control and no say over what goes on in my life. So many things that I feel I need to change and work towards and restore... I don't even know where to begin.

Physically i'm a wreck. Emotionally i'm worse.

Mentally I'm exausted.

If there was ever a time to need a hero... now would be it.

It could always be worse... I tell myself that everyday. I'm thankful for the people in my life and the things I have... I just know that I need to start doing things in a whole new way.

No day like today.

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*