I've got what it takes... FREE TO A LOVING HOME!!

I've got what it takes... FREE TO A LOVING HOME!!

Current mood:contemplative

::sigh:: Life can be so simply complicated.... confusing, I know...

I have decided that it is very difficult to think like a guy and be a girl at the same time. Most of the time there isn't a girl in me to be seen but when she comes out its a damn kodak moment... and its usually at a time that I really don't want her to come out. I love life but it feels like something is missing... a hole that no crotch rocket, booty call, puppy, football game,hundred dollar purse, or new zombie shooting video game can fill. I love being one of the guys... so many of my best moments is doing something stupid with my best guys in the world.... but then the girly needs start to come out... and not the girly needs that can be filled by a pedicure and some new sandals. I am very proud that I don't lower my standards just to be with someone... it has been almost three years now of no serious stable boyfriend and most of that has been of my own choosing. Dates are nice,booty calls are fantastic... after all you musn't forget you are talking to a pimp here ;)... but its getting to a point where its all so shallow anymore. I always am the tough guy, the protector of all of my friends... the female dr. phil always giving advice from sex (guy mind remember lol) to girly mushy lovey stuff. I definitely believe that sometimes relationships are overrated.... there is nothing wrong with being single and loving it, that has been my life for the past few years and I have grown extremely in that time. But its hard to overlook the finer things that are missing. With more than one of my friends happily pregnant and or getting married it makes me wish that I just had someone to share things with. Not quite that jump into it lets hop into bed, make some babies and put on the white dress now, but someone that I can spoil and spend time with that just loves me for me. It seems like every time I find someone that I would be interested in having something real with (which is an act of god in itself since i'm so damn picky... but hey, high standards means high quality ) things just somehow... fall short. And I have been so uninterested in having a relationship for so long (because it was a get to know myself better and do things for me thing after a very long relationship with a dirty end) that trying to have anything more than a booty call is extremely challenging... i think i have lost my touch . Its like I have forgotten how to play the game... forgot the rules completely. When to call when not to call how to act what to say... but honesty has always been a loyal friend so I can't go too wrong  ...

... there are a couple guys that could be something ... one in particular that I wish I could be closer to. He is an amazing guy... we have so much in common and he's so sweet... its been so long since I have been around a guy that actually asks about how I am or how MY DAY WENT. Things were going really awesome... lots of notes and chatting and flirtyness... it was awesome! Then all of the sudden things just... stopped. He still makes an effort to show me he cares... he still does all my goofy little surveys which totally make me me smile... but I don't know how to act. I don't want to push anything and stress him out even more... I know he has a lot going on and from what I have been told (and I quote) I shouldn't get my hopes up... he's got an ex that he is still very much attached to.  ::sigh:: Isn't that just my luck. I would love to show him how good things can be but in this life the only person you can control is yourself. I know he knows that I care for himso the only thing left to do is drop it.

Things will happen how they happen... everything happens for a reason. Patience is a virtue and I have a LOT of patience. Life is a marathon... not a sprint to the finish... everything will all pan out one way or another for the best.

Moral of the story? Its called a break up because its broken, you can only ever control you so be the best person you can be, patience is nice to have,and everything happens for a reason. 

... must be the puppy chow...

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

.~*what love SHOULD be like*~.

.~*what love SHOULD be like*~.

Current mood:optimistic

Love....

...it is so funny how so often it gets stomped on, ruined, taken for granted and treated so unimportantly until you don't have it...

...I have been thinking a lot about it lately... giving my friend's advice on what they should or should not do and each time i am just reminded more and more what real love should be like as i learn from the mistakes of others and look back on the mistakes i myself have made. It remindes me why I have been single for almost three years... of my own choosing. I have been on many dates and random hook ups and sometimes i think why not just commit to someone? And then i remember... love isn't to be taken lightly... out of all things in life, love is one thing you shouldn't settle on. So i decided to gush about what i think real love should be... if for no other reason to remind myself how important standards are and how love really can be...

... love is the butterflies you get even after dating for an eternity... it is that feeling of security, knowing that if you fall there will be that someone to catch you. Love is taking care of eachother when one is sick, playing football in the park, and the ability to do nothing and be perfectly happy just being in eachother's company. Love is not going to bed angry... even if it means hours of going in circles with what looks like no end but loving enough to care. Love is investing time in things that are important to the person you love so you have a better understanding of who they are or if for no other reasonjust to make them smile... it is laying awake in bed together at night just holding hands talking about everything from the cheesy flick you just saw to philosophies on life... it is about having a relationship that is 100/100, not just 50/50. It is about knowing a persons faults and accepting them anyway as a part of that person... it is about supporting personal growth but not trying to force change, we are who we are. It is kisses in the rain AND holding her hair back when she's throwing up from the flu... it is about how cute he looks with his hat on backwards AND being his soft place to fall. Its about connecting with a person deep inside... with morals and values and geniune care, not just how hot their ass looks in those pants... It is being loved for who you are, not how you look or who you could become... but who you are as a person deep down. It is about being a team and always treating the other person's heart with kindness and care like it is a privilage to have it, not a right. It is about laying on his chest just to hear his heart beat and holding her close as to protect her from any pain. It is about respect.. it is about being humble... it is about giving and taking in an equal amount... Love is kindness, loyalty, sharing, understanding, trust, honesty, communication and working as a team... love is being wrong, yelling about it, and then being able to go back and apologize with tears in your eyes and being welcomed with open arms and comforted... not ridiculed and embarassed but understood and accepted... its about not holding grudges and remembering: we're in it together...

... no one should expect or settle for anything less...

... the search continues.. patiently waiting.. must be the puppy chow...

(see Where has Love gone?... another one of my good blogs for the feel good single ones... trust me, you deserve the best... you know who you are... i have faith that you will find "him"... just have faith in yourself... when you do, he will be worth the wait  )

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

WisE wOrdz on LOVE

WisE wOrdz on LOVE

Current mood:peaceful

One of my best friends Lanae has this on her page and i think that it is the perfect thing to remember when thinking about that someone....
                 ....in Lanae's words....

"Wait for the guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lay under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who keeps your picture in his wallet, who wants to show you off to the world when you're in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you are just as pretty without make up.... one whose constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you... the one that turns to his friends and says "that's her."


             ...may we all find that guy...

...must be the puppy chow....

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

being alone doesn't mean lonely

being alone doesn't mean lonely

Current mood:annoyed

::sigh:: I have been thinking alot the past few days... I really don't understand people. Everyone is so afraid to be alone when really, you is all you really have anyway! I wish I could be enlightened here cuz i simply don't get it. I see all of my friends get hurt time after time and still not have enough respect for themselves to move on...

...I see my friends desperately seeking attention from the opposite sex... like some form of validation that can only be achieved by constant worrying over whats going to happen, what someone thinks of you, and how you should act to win their affection. Not just my girlfriends... but my guy friends too! And so many times I see them settle... settle for less than they deserve and never demand anything more. Its like a constant motto of "if you can't have the one you love just settle for loving the one you are with". All in the name of having someone. Do people tell themselves "well... they may not be what i want... they may not treat me very well... but at least I have someone"...? What a way to live! Is there something that I am missing? I have had enough boyfriends to know what love is and what I do and do not want and granted... having someone is nice but settling for less than? Or worse.. settling for anything at all? ::SIGH:: i don't think I will ever get it. I just think that you have to love YOURSELF and respect yourself enough to demand the most. They say that you settle only for what you think you deserve... so why don't people think they are worth more? Its just something I will never understand. I think the worst part is, I love my friends so much that I can't just say not my problem when they are hurting... i can't just say not my problem with that "special someone" has hurt them yet again... I can't just say not my problem when they are back in the same boat they themselves have jumped back into. So i ask... what do i do? and what am i missing? I feel like i'm the only person on the face of the plannet that doesn't understand that urge to have someone around all the time... is there something that i'm just not catching on to? Yes... the opposite sex is nice, cute, wonderful, and totally fun but why is everything always based on the opposite sex? Look at all that people go through just for the approval of the opposite sex. Look at the torture people put themselves through... all the sadness, drama, hassle... and for what? Maybe i have been single too long to remember what its like to want that in your life ... to remember the bonus of having all of this turmoil just to "have someone". I just believe people confuse LUST with LOVE ... lust... that is what one night stands are for. Relationships should be taken more seriously.

...Can someone give me a clue? cuz i think i'm missing the point 

...throw me a bone! ... must be the puppy chow....

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

...FUCK THE MEN LET'S DRINK TO US!!!!

...FUCK THE MEN LET'S DRINK TO US!!!!

Current mood:grateful

I propose a toast....

...to the friends that make us smile 

... to tapping a hot Sunshine ass just for fun....

...to the friend that understands that urge ...

...to the sound of metal against teeth and the awesome inside joke it makes.. clang clang clang...

...to Ryan Reynolds... the hottest man alive!

...to that awesome couple of best guy friends without whom you would be nothing...

... to being ONE OF THE GUYS and a HEARTBREAKER all at once...

...to bulldogs...

...to stupid movies totally worth quoting ALL THE TIME!!!... what is our situation dad? YOUR A HOMO!!! ....

... to orange creme blends in a huge empty house ...

... to little nephews who you can teach all the horrible stuff that mommy doesn't want them to do, say, or know....

...to being auntie pickle...

...to happy bladdered little dogs that love you and bite off your nose...

...to shots of hypnotic on halloween...

...to teaching the love of my life how to play football and NOT to say all of his aunt's dirty cuss words....

...to his mommy...

...to the zoo i call my second home complete with every animal you could possibly want...

...to the questions game...and having all the right answers...

... to fun sparkly quotes on myspace from friends that always make you feel better... *i called your boyfriend gay... and he hit me with his coach purse!* (LIZ AND JO YOU GUYS ROCK! LOL)

... to secrets being fun ;) .....

...to Saw 2... watching it AND arguing about it (I don't care what you say its a good MOVIE!!!) LOL....

...to JAMES THE SEX GOD FOR PRESIDENT...

...to dior sunglasses...

...to pickles and cheese in your best friend's bed...always getting yelled at about the crumbs...and always being loved anyway...

... to piercings ....ahhhhh hehehe

...to Bj the person (because he is so good to my Bean) and bj the act...

... to the baby blues of the guy you love to hate...

...to hating country music so much that it makes you sick...except for the one song that your ex sang to you that makes you bawl...

...to sad movies that make you appreciate the best friends you love... (BEACHES!)

...to the horrible country club...drunkin bull riding...silly dancing...and the friends that drug your ass and gave you a migrane...

...to getting so drunk you think skipping stairs is a good idea....

... to all the good boys and all the drama they cause without meaning to...

...to karma...

...to the friend that farts in your face and tells you to guess what he ate..

... to hockey at the outdoor rink with your protector and love...

...to lime green crotch rockets...

...to loving 14 years with one person you truly love...

...to loving the red wings so much it hurts and having a sweet innocent little mind to corrupt in the same fashion...

...TO FOOTBALL and all the wonderfully hot FOOTBALL PLAYERS....

... to tanning by moonlight...

... to giving LOVE advice to girl friends and guy friends...

... to being a guy in a girl's body, the female dr. phil, JENNY, jenny poo, auntie pickle, short stuff, big boobs mcgee, "I'd do her", blondini, blondzilla, little bear, and the amazing sherbert pervert...

...to paul walker, matthew mcconaghey, scott cann.....

...to high school and the old friends i miss so dearly...

...to spending countless hours with my best friend and a room full of sweaty, stinky, horny, totally wonderful guys in the wrestling room after school every day for months...

...TO MY FRIENDS... WHO LOVE ME DISPITE MY FAULTS... I LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU GUYS WITH ALL MY HEART. MY CLOSE FRIENDS AND MY BUDDIES ALIKE YOU ALL ROCK MY WORLD....

...to appreciating the fact you could die at any second...

...to being the best you can be...

AND TO ALL MY GIRLS.... FUCK THE MEN LETS DRINK TO US!!!!!!!!!!!!

..........must be the puppy chow........

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

Next mood swing...6 minutes...

Next mood swing...6 minutes...

Current mood:distressed

Okay so I am totally having an off day today. I sat in the bath for like 45 minutes this morning so i thought it would be good. Then i got to 44th and ward at the stop light. Well i'm sitting there listening to mellow music (cuz thats the kind of mood i'm in today) and all of the sudden "I hope you Dance" by Leann Womack comes on AND I START FREAKING BAWLING!!! I hate this song because everytime I listen to it I cry because it was playied at the grave site of a very spectacular girl that left us all way too soon. So I'm crying, my phone is ringing, and then, just when the song is over and i'm pulling up to the light (only a few cars got through the first time cuz people can't FREAKING DRIVE!) we all get stopped by a freaking funeral motorcade... I thought i was going to throw up. So needless to say its been a less than par day already. Then i'm like *okay pull yourself together and call jordan back and see how her boobs are doing* (LMAO I KNOW HOW FUNNY THAT SOUNDS) So i call jordan and we chat (she makes me so happy the goofball lol) and I get to school. Medical Terminology was fun cuz my teacher is an absolute nut job and I love her to death. Now i am sitting here. It was one of those sneak attack days... you think its going to be okay and then really its not. :::SIGH::: sheesh. I'm having one of those I feel like crap physically, mentally, emotionally and all possible ways that you can feel like crap. We'll see how it turns out from here but the prognosis looks bleek... lol ...must be the puppy chow... HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEIDREA!!! And ~Lindsey Sue, I love you where ever you are... gone but definitely not forgotten~

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

:::SIGH::: what are best friends for?

:::SIGH::: what are best friends for?

Current mood:optimistic

:::sigh::: oi vey it has been a long ass day. I have to say that i'm extremely exausted and practically fighting sleep off with a stick. I LOVE JORDAN! We had an awesome day for the most part which made me feel a whole lot better than i have for the past couple of days (partly because some really good orange cream alcohol was involved  ). Thats one thing i give that girl credit for is that no matter whats going on or whose involved she always makes me feel like i'm valued and someone worth having around (ROCK ON FOR ME WOOT WOOT!). My boyfriend jager (like the alcohol) is the greatest (don't get your panties in a bunch... he's a weiner dog) and my head is throbbing. JAMES THE SEX GOD FOR PRESIDENT and pickles and cheese are the greatest. I get my nails redone tomorrow which i am totally stoked for because i have fucking broken them all off again (pam is going to kill me but i did the best I could) and i may be fighting with everyone and their dog but i realize that life is too short to worry about it... especially when you have James the Sex God, Miss Audi TT JO JO BEAN, Lucci the dirty SICILIAN (happy goofball?) lover, boyfriends (new and old), Graves the big bear, deige the goof ball, Jager and Milo the weiner dogs, sex, nakedness, drunken dancing, wedding crashers, crotch rockets and orange cream alcohol... life is good 

this ones for you sister: "NO I DIDN"T! I SAID HELLO LIKE THREE TIMES! THROW THE BITCH IN THE RIVER!!!" LMAO 

...must be the puppy chow... (or the alcohol.. can't tell )

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*