ImProVemeNt = HARD work*

Gooooooood morning ladies and gentlemen!

Thank GOD I don't have to be into work until one o'clock.... I definitely need some down time. Most girls will understand this but I have the whole morning after puffy eyes goin' on from all the crying I did but at least it was a worthwhile cry. My poor S.O. doesn't know what to do with his poor self when I have one of my girl meltdowns but he definitely tries.

Sometimes stress gets the best of us. Between work and home and pressure we put on ourselves, it's just too much. Then it only takes a little touch in the wrong emotional sunburn to set off the waterworks. (Side note, watching Turner and Hooch while I write this... and everytime I do it makes me want a french mastiff lol).

Improvements, especially ones of the deep seeded self kind, take a lot of work, will power, and time. I know exactly what I'm doing and that I'm not supposed to be doing it. But how do I stop myself? Maybe it comes down to a lack of self control, self discipline, or just simply not knowing what to do differently. Or maybe it's a comfort thing. Even though I know what I need to do and know how to do it, it feels strange, uncomfortable, and overwhelming to do what I should but not what I'm used to. (Hooch is now running through the fish... LMAO.. ahem, sorry :) ).

Hopefully the tears from last night's cry will be the water to nourish the seeds of change.

First part of changing is knowing what needs to be changed and making a very detailed map of how to get from A to B.

Okay. I can do that.

~ Point A: Where I'm at. Hmm. In this case, where I'm at is a stressed out place of self sabatoge. Not being able to control my emotions when I need to most. Unusually low self esteem... probably from the weight gain and lack of ability to control my surroundings and the resulting extra stress that comes from both. Check.

~ The Map: What I need to do. I need to be accountable for my emotions. I need to work on positive stress management techniques and try something new. Maybe new kinds of workouts. Two birds with one stone. Yesssss. :) Bikram yoga? Sweat it out and stretch it out while working on self discipline. Excellent. Boxing? Confidence AND self discipline while working out stress with vigorous physical excercise. Nice. Working on seeing the positive in other people instead about being insecure about their presence. Boosting my self through activities that I enjoy to build up my confidence so those that I'm insecure about or disapprove of don't consume my thoughts. I rock. :)

~ Point B: The end result. More confidence and self assurance that isn't effected by external factors like the feelings, thoughts, or actions of others. Less stress, better coping skills when stress arises. Weight loss. Being able to state my position or problems and work on a solution for them while staying calm and composed and not taking everything so personally. Having the skills and self awareness to maintain my cool in any situation and use my intelligence and analytical skills to make the best of a situation and think about things without being consumed by them. Forgiveness. And my favorite phrase that always helps? Like water on a duck... things just roll off. :)

"So now that you've seen "the plan"... I'm gonna go... and show the plan, to someone else." (lol gotta love 10 Things I Hate About You... can always count on that movie for a good quote ;) ).

... must be the puppy chow...