I am the only one of my kind. Sometimes this is a great thing... sometimes it's, well... lonely. I'm finding the older and older that I get that I just don't understand how the minds of others work. Well... at least the minds of my peers. More and more it seems that people have no morals, no standards, no beliefs... and if you do, you're the odd man out.
Your mom and dad tell you. Your teachers tell you. Your grandparents tell you. Be wise. Be kind. Be gracious and giving. Hold yourself to a certain conduct becoming of someone of your calibur. What's popular is not always right, and what's right is not always popular. If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything. Stand up for what is right, even if you're standing alone.
Lately, that's exactly what it feels like I'm doing. Standing alone.
I must admit... I am not always an easy pill to swallow. I can be over emotional, over analyzing, self righteous, stubborn, and brash. But ya know... even at my worst, my very worst, I'd still rather be me than some of those I know of at their very best.
Where have everyone's minds gone? More importantly... doesn't anyone have any standards anymore? Everything is excess, self indulgence, and what's good now is good mentality. Sleeping with anyone, screwing over anyone, justifying any action... any cause without a second thought to kindness, selflessness, compassion, or integrity.
Integrity. That's a word that I haven't used in a long time but one that I deeply and dearly love. Even less than I use it these days do I find someone that has it.
Integrity: Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code; The state of being unimpared, soundness; the quality or condition of being undivided or whole.
"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." ~ W. Clement Stone
No one admitting they are wrong. No kind words to strangers, or for that matter, to those you love. Earning money honestly. Taking care of your loved ones. Taking pride, vengence, and gluttony to the extreme. Selfishness, self entitlement, materialism.
I know what your thinking, "everyone has their vice and you're no different". I agree. I indulge in my emotions. I let them take me over and coherse my thoughts down a deep spiral of negativity that its hard to get out of. I get easily frustrated if my expectations have been violated. I expect people to let me down and am quick to jump on my high horse of righteousness when they do. I, as do most, have my flaws.
Flaws are not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about complete disreguard for any kind of standards, self reflection, or self restraint. I'm not religious... not even in the slightest. But if I was, I would definitely say it looks as though the devil has run amok among the 18 to 30 crowd. So many that I know drink mindlessly to excess, take outrageous amounts of mind altering substances at their leisure, sleep with anyone and everything they can with no reguard to those that may love them ... or for that matter, their own self respect in the morning. They spend money like its going out of style as if purses, shoes, and jewelry are somehow going to make up for all of the things they are lacking. They say mean things to eachother with no remorse and take any opportunity to gain the upper hand... to exact their revenge on those around them for even the smallest tresspass.
When did being smart, kind, RESPONSIBLE, generous, charitable, dedicated, loving, moral, ethical, gracious, classy, and interesting go out of style? When did surprises and laughs and jokes and presents and kind gestures stop being cool? When did being your own person, wearing your heart on your sleeve, "being beautiful on the inside", self improvement, spontinaitey, faithfulness loyalty, monogamy, and love become undesireable?
Here comes the harsh part... Jen's vice/character flaw/over thinking/bitchy/brash nature... exibit A in three... two... one...
Let me tell you something. I will fill you in on a few things that I have learned this far in my twenty three years on the planet. Listen closely, and take notes if this is your first time.
~ No matter how much you work out, how much you spend on clothes or shoes or jewelry.... no matter what cute sunglasses, bras, make up, hair color, or accessories you have or add, if you don't improve from the inside out you will still be butt ass ugly.No matter how many people you sleep with it will not fix the hole in your heart from a lack of love or lack of knowledge on how to give real true unconditional love to someone else or more importantly, to yourself. No matter how mean, tough, loud, or obnoxious you act, you will never be anything more than a scared little child if you don't deal with your past. And no matter who you are, if your spouse is going to cheat they are going to cheat... reguardless of any berating, harassing, guilting, cohersing, or tabs you keep on them. Drinking and acting like a slut then manipulating others into letting you drive home is not only not the way to "coolness", its a sure ticket to one of two places that are far less desireable... the morgue, or jail.
All good things in moderation. Love is not made to go hand and hand with obsession. A single glass is as good as a bottle. If you need a bottle, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Sex should be magical, amazing, loving, kind, and spiritual. At the very least, it should be fulfilling and fun. It is none of those things, least of all fulfilling, if you can't even remember the person's last name, favorite color, age, don't know any of their previous partners, or if you cringe and hate admitting you did it the morning after. The world is full of abundance. You don't need to be selfish by taking your share, your neighbors share, their dog's share, and the share of the flee clinging to the dog's ass. If you are so oblivious that you think you're the only one your actions affect its time to buy a clue.
::sigh::
This is why I deal with animals.
...must be the puppy chow...
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