fall for you* ~ secondhand serenade

fall for you* ~ secondhand serenade

Current mood:touched

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting/ Could it be that we have been down this way before/ I know you don't think that I am trying/ I know you're wearing thin down to the core // But hold your breath/ Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you / Over again don't make me change my mind/ Or I won't live to see another day/ I swear its true/ Because a girl like you is impossible to find/ You're impossible to find// This is not what I intended /I always swore to you I'd never fall apart/ You always thought that I was stronger /I may have failed But I have loved you from the start// But hold your breath/ Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you / Over again don't make me change my mind/ Or I won't live to see another day / I swear its true/ Because a girl like you is impossible to find/ Its impossible// So breathe in so deep/ Breathe me in/ I'm yours to keep/ And hold on to your words cuz talk is cheap/ And remember me tonight when you're asleep// Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you / Over again don't make me change my mind/ Or I won't live to see another day / I swear its true/ Because a girl like you is impossible to find/ Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you / Over again don't make me change my mind/ Or I won't live to see another day / I swear its true/ Because a girl like you is impossible to find// You're impossible to find/.r{}

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

pain... without love, pain... cant get enough*

pain... without love, pain... cant get enough*

Current mood:crushed

Its been a long time since I've felt the pain of a broken heart. I don't think there's anything like it in the world. I can definitely say that I'd rather have my ass beat than my heart broken. You cry till your eyes can't even make anymore tears ... And then you cry some more. Plans are cancelled, hopes are dashed, and all you thought you knew about yourself and your future now becomes the unknown. Its amazing how one person can make your whole world and have the power to make it all come crashing down. They can make you feel like you are the only one in the world or like you've fallen off the face of the planet. I've always thought that I was a confident, strong girl who could stand on her own two feet and make her own dreams come true with no help just good morals, hard work, and kindness. And yet, it all seems pointless, unattainable, and unwanted. What good is my world without you to share it with me? We were going to have a little dirt bike for our kids. We were going to have a beautiful house with soft leather couches to cuddle on. We were going to be great. But now what? Where do I go, what do I do, what do I work for and hope for and dream for without you? Life doesn't make sense to us sometimes. Often its pretty painful when we don't understand why things are happening and we constantly try to rationalize, deny, or torture ourselves until its hard to even breathe. I suppose all we can do is hope for better days and that this too shall pass. But life was always better with you by my side. Sometimes its not for us to decide, or choose, or know. Just to learn to know something new. Miss you *

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

electric guitars...fairy tale endings*

electric guitars...fairy tale endings*

Current mood:complacent

                   "some of the greater things in life are best unseen... thats why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream..."

Where is the place where dreams are born? A place of beautiful light... surrounded by all that is good, all that is just, completely untainted by the harsh situations we all face?

No... dreams are born in the cobwebs... the dusty, often overlooked, part of our journey through life. They are born in the darkness, the times of sorrow, the times of melancholy reflections. They are what move us... the twinkle... the hope... the light that lights the way to a better time.

Why do we let go of our dreams? Is it the pressure to be grown up? To do the right thing? Or do we let go of what we want in the face of stark adversity... giving up because it was the easy thing to do. After all... who really lives their dreams anyway?

         "... dreams are a wish our heart makes..."

Learn to play the electric guitar * find someone that loves me for who I am * Become a police officer * Become a vet * Buy a bulldog * Be happy in my own skin * Be a world class ice skater * Learn to ride a skateboard * Play hockey in the olympics * Be a mom * Be close with my own mom * Be best friends forever * Stay close with those friends of old * See my KJ grow up * Be a wife * Have awesome inlaws * Find prince charming * Inspire others * Volunteer * Learn to cook * Learn to speak at least 5 languages * See Austrailia * Afford a pair of Christian Louboutin's * Stay grounded * Be beautiful * Be the best * Keep learning * Earn a Ph.D. * Be a bike mechanic * Have lots of bikes * Always have pickles and cheese on hand * Have a house of my own * Have a celica * Make a difference * Have a group of friends that last a life time * Have my best friend by my side when I get married * Get married * Be a Broncos Cheerleader * Have a dance studio * Have a tanning salon * See my friends succeed * Feel needed * Get a bird * Own more than one sportbike, and be good at riding all of them * See a Vegas show * Own a lime green lambo * Have season tickets to Texas Longhorns Football * Have the money to take care of my parents * Be gracious * Build a shelter * Have a non profit * Take care of my friends * Make people laugh * Get a mustang * Be good at my job * Love my career * Be comfortable * Be loved * Be important * Raise my children to be stellar people * Have children * Have no fear * Grow old with my best friend * Have my mom and dad for the rest of my days * Be close with my brother * Love all unconditionally * Be accepting * Play lots of sports * Have a garden * Have a basketball hoop * Work hard * Be in love * Celebrate 50 years of marriage... and counting * Achieve my dreams * Never stop dreaming....

In my short 21 years on this earth I have achieved many of my dreams. Many I have not. The question is... when do you stop taking the path you are on and try a different route to make your dreams come true? When do you decide that the battle is lost, but the war is far from over and turn back in hopes of collecting a new game plan and moving forward with new strategy? In war there are many casualties. Some will be won, some will be lost, but few will be around forever. While I'm a big believer in controlling your own destiny, I'm also a believer in the old adage *things happen for a reason*. Some people are in your life for a specific reason. Once their purpose has been fulfilled the go on their journey. Others are in our lives for a period of time to teach us and help us grow. And while we don't always understand, don't always get an explanation, and often hurt long after theyre gone, when its their time to go, they too move along a different path.

Then there are those that are there for a lifetime. They help us achieve our dreams. They lift us up when we are face down in the mud... ready to give up. They are apart of the dreams they help us realize.... that prince charming, that best friend, that person we may have yet to meet...

   "... a dream becomes a goal with steps are taken       toward its achievement..."

Unfortunately... it is not for us to decide who is ours, who helps us through, who makes the whole journey... and who drops out of the race. But isnt that what life is about? Faith. Faith that the universe will not steer us in the wrong direction. Faith that there is abundance where ever we go and that there is more that enough love, affection, kindness, knowledge, happiness, and friendship as long as we have the courage to step up and grab it?

               "courage is feeling the fear....

                               and doing it anyway..."

If you were standing in a dark closet, would you be surprised to know that your dream was right in front of your nose... all you have to do is turn on the light?

  There is power in love.

            There is power in kindness.

                       There is power in knowledge...

        understanding...

                       there is power in your dreams....

but you have to turn on the light....*

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

:SIGH: sometimes, words just won’t do*

:SIGH: sometimes, words just won’t do*

Current mood:frustrated

ya know, there are times when you just feel... ick. Like a smothering, frustrating, gut wrenching just wanna cry for no reason yuck.

Today is a great day for ick.

Haven't had a shower. Don't even care. Been looking for new job stuff all day. Nothing good. Dog being clingy like crazy. Frustrating. Money going out, none coming in... the worst.

I'm not completely sure why but the last few days I've started reverting back into my little hole. Probably because there are a whole bunch of things that I don't want to hear anymore, don't want to deal with anymore, and plain just want to forget. Life is so rewarding and yet, completely an exercise in futility most of the time.

Where has my positive outlook gone? I'm not sure but the past two or three days I've looked and looked and looked and can't find it anywhere. Hopefully it will come back soon because I've been doing so good... and its sorely missed.

I guess I'm going through one of those quarter life crisis moments where you look at where you are and wonder how you got here. You had so many great plans for yourself. Great goals. What happened?!

Life happened.

Life rarely goes as planned I've noticed. I've also noticed that I'm so jealous of those that seem to have it so easy. It feels like I'm alone in the world fighting it out sometimes... and I hate it. There is nothing worse than feeling like you weren't prepared for this... like you wish you could go back in time and do a better job. I was out on my own early... and I guess I should be proud that I've made it this long. A lot of people my age either still live with their parents or have to lean on their boyfriend or girlfriend to survive otherwise right back to mom and dads. I've done it. I'm out on my own, relying on myself to get by. I will admit that I have had a little help from someone that knows much more than I about surviving in the financial world... and i'm doing a lot better in my own money river because of it. HOWEVER, the money river has always run pretty shallow... and now it feels as though its starting to dry up without hope for a winter melt to replenish it.

I'm tired of struggling. I'm tired of wearing ratty jeans, eating cheap processed HORRIBLY bad for me food, and never being able to go get a new purse or perfume without feeling sick to my stomach with guilt. Because its bill money. Everything is bill money. Money that isn't even my money yet is bill money. I definitely wish I knew at 18 what I now know at 21.... I think I would be in a lot better place monitarily, never would have gotten myself in such a hole.

I'm in need of a life makeover.

Its not that i'm not happy with my life necessarily, but i feel like i've made some pretty not so great mistakes. I feel this overwhelming need to sell off or throw away everything I own... including my poor pets who don't get near the attention they used to or should. So much needs to be done... and it seems like this is the best time to get things where they need to be... I have more than enough time on my hands at the moment (unfortunately ). Nothing worth having ever comes easy.

Especially the things I want.

Hard work definitely is something I'm good at. And I think that my life is in need of a lot of it. I'm antsy, I'm irritable, and I think its because things aren't going how I want them to.. or how I think they should based on how much I've done.

Nothing comes fast enough these days. My once runneth over cup of patience is almost bone dry. Not my honey, not the weight loss, not the tan or the job or the money. Not the house, not the car, not the end result.

Life is about the journey. Life is about possibilities.

.:*Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming*:.

Although through all this bitching... there is a silver lining....

My Red Wings are about to win the Stanley Cup 

~... must be the puppy chow... ~

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

untitled*

untitled*

I couldn't think of a fun title tonight which is very rare for me. I guess you could say that I'm in more of a reflective mood than a creative one. What does it mean to be strong? What does it mean to be sexy and confident ... And what happens when you lose that appeal? I can honestly say that there are a lot of different views on what is attractive but a lot of it comes from our instincts. You see, nature is a matter of survival of the fittest. Its hard wired into our brains so much so that it affects a lot of things that we don't even know it has an effect on. Attraction is no exception. Let's think about it... The strong, the healthy... Mentally, physically, and emotionally are the ones that are often what our basic instincts desire. The smart, the agile survive. Sure the criteria get more detailed and advanced when you're looking at the details of attraction. But the overall picture remains that our hard wiring tells us to seek the most healthy, the most strong, the most intelligent because that is what furthers the species. But what happens when you are among the flawed... The sick, the weak mentally, emotionally or physically? Either you adapt or you die so to speak. And I think that is part of what can kill an attraction over time. We start to see the flaws, the imperfections, and the weaknesses. Some of us run, allowing ourselves to run away because the one we chose isn't perfect, isn't what we pictured, isn't what we think we deserve. We delve into shallowness, thinking that to survive we must have the best of the best. Then there are others, who chose the weak, hoping we can strengthen them, change them into something elite, save them. Lastly there are the very few of us who are able to push past, mature, and see that there is no perfect person with no flaws... It doesn't exist. But we can see that there is the healthy, the intelligent, the strong, in every person. My point here is that being mature, being wise means to accept changes, accept that no one is perfect, and attach what your meaning of attraction is to the beauty of the mind, the beauty of the soul, and the beauty of ones uniqueness. Individuality is a great gift, instead of looking for what you think you should be look for the inspiring, the driven, the amazingly magnificent. You won't believe what you're missing... And will regret what you let go in the interest of the meaningless... The shallow... The petty. You will never find unconditionally love and companionship until you have opened your heart, let go of what you think you know... The misconceptions of the perfect mate you once held on to and give of yourself to experiences that will expose you to the greater picture... To the meaning of what it means to be human.*

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

I’ve made it....21*

I’ve made it....21*

Current mood:accomplished

If I've said it once i've said it a thousand times...

life is beautiful.

I can't believe I made it. There were lots of bets that I wouldn't  ... especially because of all the stupid shit i've done to get here. But its truly amazing how your eyes can be opened, and you'd be amazed at how much you've changed since your last "big birthday". The people that have helped to shape the person you are now... the events that bring both laughter and tears. How the time has flown.

Memories. Treasures that give your life sparkle and add meaning to times you'd least expect. I've come to realize that in life its not about the end result... not about the destination but about the journey. Its not about the petty fights, not about being busy or stressed... its about handling it the right way to preserve your friendships, your heart, the greater good, and most of all your sanity.

Its about trying to remember that its not about being right, its about being happy.

Dont sweat the petty stuff... and dont pet the sweaty stuff. Scratch that... sweaty stuff is fun... pet away. 

I look around and think back and realize how truly lucky i have been. Granted... not all of it was luck... hard work can get you far. But the people i have been so lucky to share my life with... that was luck. So, in the interest of passing on just a few of the things i've learned (the hard way, the easy way, and just plain dumb tripped upon) from the people that help to make me... me.

It never hurts to be silly.. and there is no such thing as a stupid question...

...if it makes someone laugh it was worth it. Extra points if you can laugh at yourself.

Time heals all.

Your best friends are invaluable, inventive, and ten times smarter than you think they are. Best friends are the quintessential 20/20 hindsight before you have to use your own.

Listen to your mother.

Money problems aren't solved with money. Money is only money.

Taking risks are the only way grow. But make sure to water your plants.

Drag Queen hairstylists get very pissed at you when you color your hair "out of the box".

Motorcycles don't like medians.

Nothing beats falling asleep with your best friend after taco bell and a movie.

You have the power to make all of your dreams come true.

Hard work and determination can get you every where you want to go...

...make the most of the time you have with those you love.

Love unconditionally.

The older you get the more thankful you will be to have those around who knew you when you were young.

Don't hold things over other people's heads. All that happens is that the things you thought gave you the upper hand and control have only turned into a noose by which you hang only yourself.

You never know what you have until its gone... like pickles, cheese, vanilla coke, and hairspray bands.

With all this information and all these years under my belt I feel like its time to make a difference. A difference in the lifes of others, in my own life. Undo wrongs that have been done. I'm always amazed at what happens when you take pride in the good things but keep pride from making things bad. Its never too late to do the right thing. There's no better time then now. Be all you can be. Do the best you can for all you can when ever you can.

You always have a choice.

21 YEARS BABY!!! WOOOOOO HOOOOO!

...must be the puppy chow.

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

natural beauty*

natural beauty*

Current mood:thoughtful

I sit here currently smelly and tired but accomplished.

I look at the bulletin board in front of me... filled with pictures from times in life where no words could express the emotions of the moment... when only a picture would do. Pictures old and new of people come and gone... yet each one made an impact. Pictures of playing video games with an old love, wrestling pictures with an ex best friend, drunken hot tub hospitality, sweet little nephews, and high school dances. In these pictures a theme is reflected... my life has been beautiful.

Sometimes life can be over whelming. The bad things creep up on you and soon you forget what that life is all about living. Plants don't grow without sunshine AND rain... so is life. Life goes through seasons both physically and mentally... and sometimes you go through a season that feels as if its all rain. The problem arises when you let those rainy days cloud out the sunny ones... refusing to see that the rain has passed and you've made it into the light.

I feel as though I've just waken up from a very long sleep and in doing so realize that I haven't been living the past few years... simply going bitterly through the motions. I have so much to be thankful for... so many things I have wanted and worked for have come full circle. But with every action there's a price.

My price has been a large one.

For a long time I just couldn't see it. The rain had been pouring so hard in my life that I couldn't see through it.. couldn't see the pain I was causing not only myself but the people that meant the most to me as well. And by the time I made it through the other side, some of those relationships have been damaged what feels like beyond repair. A relationship that helped to make me who I am... a relationship I've never had to live without.

In a war... there are many casualties... including wars that you have with yourself.

Because you see, whether you think you effect others or not... you do. Some will stick by you, riding out the rough waters. Some will distance themselves, loving from a distance until the ride becomes smoother. And others will call game over, and walk away forever.

Everyone makes a choice. People do the best they can with what they have. Yes, the pain of another's decision can be astounding. You can't help but think of the memories you shared, the love you felt, and the bond you shared. You can't help but feel the sting of their absence... never having been without them... wondering if they feel it too. But there are things that you cannot control. Things that despite the desperation you may feel to pull or push or grasp for any small chance to keep that small thread by which that person links to you... in the end, you have to let go.

Life has its way of creating balance... tipping the scales until an equilibrium is reached. Sometimes the things that it drops off have a lot of weight in your life... a lot of meaning, a lot of love, a lot of history. The scales are constantly trying to balance throughout life... someday that weight may be thrown back onto the scale of your life to balance something else out in the future. It may not. But either way you can only deal with what your scale has on it now... and value the many treasures you have gained. Appreciate life, despite what feels like a devistating loss.

There is strength in forgiveness.

We all go through times in life where we have been the source of someone else's pain... times when we have been the rock that upsets an otherwise peaceful pond. We also go through times when our pond has been upset by someone else's rock. But there is power in forgiveness. Forgiving yourself for the pain you feel you have caused yourself... the losses you have incured because of your own actions. Forgiving others for the things that they have done to ripple the pond... knowing that we all are simply human... no one can win them all.

Keep your head up... enjoy life... see the beauty all around you. Don't dwell on what you have lost... hope that one day it will once again be found, be salvaged, but don't let your rain block out your sunshine. Appreciate the love that is given to you for it is the most beautiful gift you will ever be given. Give love generously to those who are worthy of it. Show your appreciation for the love you receive and remember the value of each individual in your own life. Respect people... remeber that everyone has someone to teach you.

And embrace the sunshine. Seeing the beauty of a day where the sunset brightly lights a soft shower of rain makes life worth living. Laughter through tears. And remember... you are the best thing you have to give and the best thing you'll ever have. You won't always be for everyone, but those who see the value you possess you have the power to make an impact on their life... more so, love them for the impact they make on yours.


... must be the puppy chow...