fluffy possum chronicles*

Thursday, October 12, 2006

a general term with such a detailed meaning... *

Current mood:

thoughtful

Love.

Its a strange word isn't it? I mean it can mean so many things and be expressed into so many different ways that how can we possibly fit all of that stuff into one catagory such as this? And what makes love last? Some people say that it takes a lot of communication and trust... others say its all about respect. I heard a really good point of view on the situation once that I have never forgotten. A woman married 75 years was asked how they made it through so long. She said that it was simple... they never fell out of love at the same time. Sometimes one person puts in more effort.. sometimes the other does.... but as long as at least someone pushes through the tough times and never gives up.. you are sure to make it. I think its so amazing and so completely rare to find real true love... someone that would never say anything to hurt you or do anything to disrespect you... someone that can love you for you and all of who you are, even if they don't agree with some of the things that make you that way. Someone that can love your body and your mind... with the bumps bruises scars and flaws both physically and emotionally. No one is perfect. But sometimes... once in a great while we have the chance to be something more.... to contribute to the happiness in another person's life... to give ourselves and our knowledge to another in order to enrich their life as well as our own. Great love... great relationships form out of an unspoken law... the same law that creates sparks and fire when two objects are forced together with just the right speed and just the right amout of pressure. But they have to be right. You cant bang a stick against a leaf and expect to get fire. But you have to know what you are made of. You have to know what you want, what you need, and who you are to be able to give someone else the very best and find that second piece to make your flame. You have to be comfortable with the things you cannot change and you have to find someone that is compatible with those things.

Be who you are. Be open, be honest.... because you can only be yourself... everyone else is taken. To be loved for who you are not or try to change and mold yourself into a rock when you're really a stick is going against who you are and will ultimately be the demise of a relationship. So be honest from the beginning. Never do something in the start of a relationship that you don't intend to do forever. Your partner will feel deceived and you will wonder what happened when it doesn't work out. So many times we question why something fell apart when the answer is right in front of us... even when we choose not to see it. Life is too short to waste your time with the wrong person or without the right person simply because its easier to go with the grain. Who cares about what others say... advice is simply advice... you always have the ultimate decision. If you feel that someone is your rock then who cares if anyone else thinks they are.... relationships are a team... 100/100 not just 50/50. To win in this game of life you gotta stick with your team... they will be your everything. Especially if it means someone you love... someone with a future... someone you plan or are hoping to spend the rest of your life with. Don't settle... keep your eyes to the stars... and do what's best for you. Everything else will fall into place...

~ ... kisses like whispers... spark a flame...~

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

Monday, October 2, 2006

the leaves are gorgeous... the rest SUCKS!*

Current mood:

discontent

so ya, today was lame. The yard looks gorgeous and I'm trying to be happy because afterall... its fall and fall is my favorite season!! Everything is so pretty and the clothes are getting comfy and I just love this time of year. On that note, this is probably going to be a long blog. A little bit of bitching about my absolutely !!horrendous!! day followed with a swallow of philosophy because well... it makes me feel better to rationalize the shittiness

....

Got up, took corrie to school, went to the gas station to get the usual gatorade and mag for the gym, hit the gym, came home... and somewhere in the fucking equasion i lost my phone

(so if you have been trying to call or text and haven't been able to get ahold of me... that's why). So, I came home from the gym, took a shower and got all clean and nice to go run errands and found out that emissions and new tags for my truck were altogether going to run me about 150.00 and oh that's right, I"M BROKE.So i said fuck that and decided I would stay home and feel sorry for myself all day

because I'm special that way. Nothing has really been going right lately... it seems like anything that can go wrong does. Now usually I try to see the benefit in any given situation but right now, I'm just plainPISSY. It has just been a horrible couple of weeks and i'm more than ready for them to be over with....

It could always be worse. Whenever we think that things are the worse they could possibly be I think its important to look outside ourselves and look at the bigger picture. I mean really... in the grand scheme of things, how important is it really that I lost a cell phone when there is so many worse things? Yes, it kinda sucks for me, especially because I am broke, but I'm not wondering where my next meal is going to come from, my family and friends are healthy (aside from the stunningly elaborate digestive firework show they showcase every weekend from being too nice to Jose)... things just aren't spectacular. But spectacular comes from within. If I want things to be spectacular I have to work to make them that way. Life rewards action. Nothing is free but you always have options. Which is nice when you are going through a rough patch.... it all evens out if you choose it to. If you really think about all the choices we have... all the choices we make on a daily basis... possibilities are endless and potential is infinate. There is this old saying... hardship is opportunity in disguise. Without rough patches we couldn't grow.... change is movement and in movement there is life. Sometimes the rough spot is losing a cell phone you can't afford to replace... sometimes its an abusive lover or a sick family member. Things can always be worse but as long as we have choice we have the ability to change those rough spots... work through them, find our options, and use them as new pavement for a smoother ride in the future. May every day bring us all a glorious new array of possibility for that is the one thing that keeps us getting up each day... the uncertain promise of tomorrow's wonder.*

.-* must be the leaves *-.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

heheh... bored... my quiz results :) *

Current mood:

bored

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

http://images.blogthings.com/whatisyourseductionstylequiz/natural.jpg" height="100" width="100">

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen.

Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.

You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!

People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatisyourseductionstylequiz/">What Is Your Seduction Style?

You Are As Cool As They Come

http://images.blogthings.com/areyouadramaqueenquiz/cool.jpg" height="100" width="100">
Rational and relaxed, no one could accuse you of being dramatic.

You roll with the punches, and nothing ever gets you too worked up.

You are able to maintain perspective and see the big picture.

And even if you're emotional inside, you don't let it show.

You're great at keeping it together, and you're rewarded for that.

People see you as an ideal friend, employee, and partner.

Are'>http://www.blogthings.com/areyouadramaqueenquiz/">Are You a Drama Queen (or King)?

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

http://images.blogthings.com/howisyourinnerchildquiz/surprised.jpg" height="100" width="100">
You see many things through the eyes of a child.

Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded.

You cherish all of the details in life.

Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howisyourinnerchildquiz/">How Is Your Inner Child?

Your EQ is 140

http://images.blogthings.com/whatsyoureqquiz/emotions.jpg" height="100" width="100">
50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!

51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.

71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.

91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.

111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.

131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.

150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's">http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyoureqquiz/">What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Your Passion is Blue

http://images.blogthings.com/whatcolorisyourpassionquiz/blue-passion.jpg" height="100" width="100">
You are a total dream in the bedroom.

Sex is a fine art for you - and you're a total Picasso in your pleasure making.

You like to build things up slowly, savoring each moment.

And you'd never think of skipping foreplay or afterplay... they're part of the package.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorisyourpassionquiz/">What Color Is Your Passion?

You Should Drive a Lamborghini

http://images.blogthings.com/whatsportscarshouldyoudrivequiz/lamborghini.jpg" height="100" width="100">
A true daredevil, you're always in search of a new rush. Clearly, you're a total speed demon... just don't get caught!

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatsportscarshouldyoudrivequiz/">What Sports Car Should You Drive?

*TOTALLY MY FAVORITE CAR EVER BY THE WAY!!!

Your Five Variable Love Profile

http://images.blogthings.com/thefivevariablelovetest/love.jpg" height="100" width="100">
Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is high.

You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.

And in return, you expect the same from who you love.

Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is high.

You've loved, lost, and loved again.

You have had a wide range of love experiences.

And when the real thing comes along, you know it!

Dominance:

Your dominance is medium.

You tend to be the one with more power.

You aren't a total control freak in relationships..

But of course you don't mind getting you way!

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is medium.

You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...

But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.

You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.

Independence:

Your independence is medium.

In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time."

You usually find it easy to be part of a couple.

But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

The'>http://www.blogthings.com/thefivevariablelovetest/">The Five Variable Love Test

Guys Like That You're Fun

http://images.yournewromance.com/whatdoguyslikeaboutyouquiz/you-are-fun.jpg" height="100" width="100">
You're the type of girl guys brag about knowing

That's because you're cool, funny, and laid back

You're smart enough to know how to be one of the guys

But flirty enough to know how to make them all want you

What'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/whatdoguyslikeaboutyouquiz/">What Do Guys Like About You?

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

Thursday, September 21, 2006

like an altered puzzle piece trying to fit back where it went*

Current mood:

blah

::yawn:: what a shitty day outside huh? lol

Things are weird lately. Don't really know what's been going on. I feel like I dropped off of the face of the earth for so long that now... trying to get back to being happy and spending time with people that i used to adore... i just don't fit where I used to. I used to be healthy and happy... good shape... cute... outgoing... the life of the party. And now it feels like i've been in my own little world so long that I don't know how to be in everyone elses. Its kind of like I have just woken up from a looooooooooong sleep and everything has changed. I miss being apart of the group... having plans all the time... just being happy. I think its going to take more effort to get back to that place than I anticipated....

but hopefully it will be worth it. It kinda just feels like every time i'm about to make ends meet... someone moves the ends. ::SIGH:: well you know what they say... the hardest part about life is living it.

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

Monday, September 18, 2006

:(... i think this is really bothering me... what is classy anyway?*

Current mood:

worried

okay so its official... jason and i's fight really bothered me.

I can't stop thinking about it... what is classy anyway? I mean I know that a clean well mannered well dressed girl is classy... but if i'm not those does that mean i'm not classy? and doesn't classy mean submissive and boring? ::SIGH:: any girl that i have ever met that has been called "classy" was always a girl that i would never want to be like. Sure I could take more care of myself, wear better clothes... but that wouldn't change who I am. I could stop cussing... that's not really apart of what makes me me... but ya know... you can only compromise so much until you start compromising the things that make you you. I mean I may not be what you would call classy... but that doesn't mean i'm not polite, that doesn't mean i don't have manners, it doesn't mean that i don't carry myself well or that I don't have any beauty to me... does it? I think i might be obsessing about this a tad but it really got me... not that he said it... it just makes me wonder what others think of me... if how i act keeps them from seeing my good points.

So what do I do? Can I be more ladylike... be more "classy" and still be me? And if so... how? Geez how frustrating this mess is. Damn Jason sheesh.

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

Sunday, August 27, 2006

the one that got away.*

Current mood:

crappy

Pain.

Not sharp, but the dull, constant throbbing of a broken heart never mended.

You never judged me. You accepted me for who I was.... I never had to impress you, you just loved me for me. I miss you.

I miss the days when I was respected... treasured...

I miss the days when I was loved and cherished...

I think about you all the time. My heart aches with the thought that there will never be another one like you. Tears sting my eyes when I think of what could have been... when I look at where I am now.

No one is there to hold me when I cry. No one is there to tell me that I'm beautiful even in my sweats. No one is there to run their fingers through my hair, kiss my forehead, or tuck me in when I'm sick. It scares me to think that you were it for me. And yet, here I sit tonight, tears streaming down my face... thinking of all I have lost in you. Thinking of all the others I have been seeing who just don't compare... who just don't care enough to see that I'm more than just a good piece of ass... who don't see how much I really have to offer.

You did.

You always did.

From the moment that I met you.

You always had an unwaivering faith in me... even when I didn't have faith in myself. You always told me that I was smart... even when I screwed things up. You always told me how beautiful I was... even after gaining a few extra now and then. I miss you. You were everything I ever wanted and more.

You will never see this... you will never know. But I do. I know. And I hope that even though you will never see this you always know what an impact you had on my life. I hope you know that I love you.... and I hope you know that you set a higher standard for me... by which I hold up all others. I haven't found one that stacks up yet... but who knows, maybe one day. But for now... all I have is the memories of what love used to be... what good men used to look like... and what I truly deserve to have. And for this I thank you... for this has made me want the best and even more so, know what the best truly looks like.

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

Friday, June 30, 2006

untitled*... a piss ass bad day...

Current mood:

cold

Have you ever felt like there's a lump in your throat
that never goes away
like you're on the brink of a meltdown any second
of every single day.
Like the sun is going to set today
never again to rise
like you've spent all your time not dying to live
but simply living to die.
What used to be so important
now just dust dancing in the breeze
musings of what you could have had
like a deep and painful tease.
Regrets of things you once had done
and regrets of whats to come
taunting what~if's of how it would be
if you'd done a better job.
Reminders all around you
of delights beyond your reach
secrets everyone seems to have
but have been unwilling to teach.
Your back mudied with footprints
from being a door~mat for so long
now no longer wash away
and keep you from moving on.
You hide away in spite of yourself
missing out on even more
skipping things you would have done
just a couple of years before.
You let yourself go, thinking
meh it doesnt matter
and before you know it youre not even yourself
just an empty base without a batter.
A world apart from all the rest
on the outside looking in
you wonder if life will ever be the same,
if the sun will rise again.
Your heart feels like its broken
and then you realize once again
that life doesn't make you its victim
you chose that in the end.
You've chosen to spend time not dying to live
simply living to die
you've chosen to let the important things go
and the regrets you have come to live by.
You've chosen to take the good things
as delights out of your reach
You've chosen not to learn the lessons,
ignored those who tried to teach.
You choose to be the door mat
and choose not to move on
you choose to hide yourself away
from things you could have done.
You've chosen to let yourself go
and be on the outside looking in,
but the news here now is more good than bad
choose to start again.
Choose to fix all the regrets you've had
and make it all anew,
be the very best you can be
and let the sun shine through...

its been a bad day... hopefully the sun will rise tomorrow and I'll get a do over :/

... must have been the puppy chow...

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*