I've got what it takes... FREE TO A LOVING HOME!!

I've got what it takes... FREE TO A LOVING HOME!!

Current mood:contemplative

::sigh:: Life can be so simply complicated.... confusing, I know...

I have decided that it is very difficult to think like a guy and be a girl at the same time. Most of the time there isn't a girl in me to be seen but when she comes out its a damn kodak moment... and its usually at a time that I really don't want her to come out. I love life but it feels like something is missing... a hole that no crotch rocket, booty call, puppy, football game,hundred dollar purse, or new zombie shooting video game can fill. I love being one of the guys... so many of my best moments is doing something stupid with my best guys in the world.... but then the girly needs start to come out... and not the girly needs that can be filled by a pedicure and some new sandals. I am very proud that I don't lower my standards just to be with someone... it has been almost three years now of no serious stable boyfriend and most of that has been of my own choosing. Dates are nice,booty calls are fantastic... after all you musn't forget you are talking to a pimp here ;)... but its getting to a point where its all so shallow anymore. I always am the tough guy, the protector of all of my friends... the female dr. phil always giving advice from sex (guy mind remember lol) to girly mushy lovey stuff. I definitely believe that sometimes relationships are overrated.... there is nothing wrong with being single and loving it, that has been my life for the past few years and I have grown extremely in that time. But its hard to overlook the finer things that are missing. With more than one of my friends happily pregnant and or getting married it makes me wish that I just had someone to share things with. Not quite that jump into it lets hop into bed, make some babies and put on the white dress now, but someone that I can spoil and spend time with that just loves me for me. It seems like every time I find someone that I would be interested in having something real with (which is an act of god in itself since i'm so damn picky... but hey, high standards means high quality ) things just somehow... fall short. And I have been so uninterested in having a relationship for so long (because it was a get to know myself better and do things for me thing after a very long relationship with a dirty end) that trying to have anything more than a booty call is extremely challenging... i think i have lost my touch . Its like I have forgotten how to play the game... forgot the rules completely. When to call when not to call how to act what to say... but honesty has always been a loyal friend so I can't go too wrong  ...

... there are a couple guys that could be something ... one in particular that I wish I could be closer to. He is an amazing guy... we have so much in common and he's so sweet... its been so long since I have been around a guy that actually asks about how I am or how MY DAY WENT. Things were going really awesome... lots of notes and chatting and flirtyness... it was awesome! Then all of the sudden things just... stopped. He still makes an effort to show me he cares... he still does all my goofy little surveys which totally make me me smile... but I don't know how to act. I don't want to push anything and stress him out even more... I know he has a lot going on and from what I have been told (and I quote) I shouldn't get my hopes up... he's got an ex that he is still very much attached to.  ::sigh:: Isn't that just my luck. I would love to show him how good things can be but in this life the only person you can control is yourself. I know he knows that I care for himso the only thing left to do is drop it.

Things will happen how they happen... everything happens for a reason. Patience is a virtue and I have a LOT of patience. Life is a marathon... not a sprint to the finish... everything will all pan out one way or another for the best.

Moral of the story? Its called a break up because its broken, you can only ever control you so be the best person you can be, patience is nice to have,and everything happens for a reason. 

... must be the puppy chow...

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*

.~*what love SHOULD be like*~.

.~*what love SHOULD be like*~.

Current mood:optimistic

Love....

...it is so funny how so often it gets stomped on, ruined, taken for granted and treated so unimportantly until you don't have it...

...I have been thinking a lot about it lately... giving my friend's advice on what they should or should not do and each time i am just reminded more and more what real love should be like as i learn from the mistakes of others and look back on the mistakes i myself have made. It remindes me why I have been single for almost three years... of my own choosing. I have been on many dates and random hook ups and sometimes i think why not just commit to someone? And then i remember... love isn't to be taken lightly... out of all things in life, love is one thing you shouldn't settle on. So i decided to gush about what i think real love should be... if for no other reason to remind myself how important standards are and how love really can be...

... love is the butterflies you get even after dating for an eternity... it is that feeling of security, knowing that if you fall there will be that someone to catch you. Love is taking care of eachother when one is sick, playing football in the park, and the ability to do nothing and be perfectly happy just being in eachother's company. Love is not going to bed angry... even if it means hours of going in circles with what looks like no end but loving enough to care. Love is investing time in things that are important to the person you love so you have a better understanding of who they are or if for no other reasonjust to make them smile... it is laying awake in bed together at night just holding hands talking about everything from the cheesy flick you just saw to philosophies on life... it is about having a relationship that is 100/100, not just 50/50. It is about knowing a persons faults and accepting them anyway as a part of that person... it is about supporting personal growth but not trying to force change, we are who we are. It is kisses in the rain AND holding her hair back when she's throwing up from the flu... it is about how cute he looks with his hat on backwards AND being his soft place to fall. Its about connecting with a person deep inside... with morals and values and geniune care, not just how hot their ass looks in those pants... It is being loved for who you are, not how you look or who you could become... but who you are as a person deep down. It is about being a team and always treating the other person's heart with kindness and care like it is a privilage to have it, not a right. It is about laying on his chest just to hear his heart beat and holding her close as to protect her from any pain. It is about respect.. it is about being humble... it is about giving and taking in an equal amount... Love is kindness, loyalty, sharing, understanding, trust, honesty, communication and working as a team... love is being wrong, yelling about it, and then being able to go back and apologize with tears in your eyes and being welcomed with open arms and comforted... not ridiculed and embarassed but understood and accepted... its about not holding grudges and remembering: we're in it together...

... no one should expect or settle for anything less...

... the search continues.. patiently waiting.. must be the puppy chow...

(see Where has Love gone?... another one of my good blogs for the feel good single ones... trust me, you deserve the best... you know who you are... i have faith that you will find "him"... just have faith in yourself... when you do, he will be worth the wait  )

Originally published on my myspace blog on the given date*