I am sad that school is over. Funny right? School makes me feel so very.... alive. It gives me the confidence I've been lacking for years, and makes all aspects of my life better. I will miss school... at least until August ;)
So now I play the waiting game. Official grades are posted May 20th and I am on the edge of my seat. Did I make the 4.0?
College has changed me.
Now, I do silly things like read Plato for fun and keep my backpack handy where ever I go. But it is so much more than that.
I want to learn. I have drive. I want to be the best and smartest in all I do. And most importantly...
... I'm inspired.
Truly, deeply, intrinsically inspired.
I remember the days when my mom used to tell me that I could do anything I set my mind to. Of course back then, it was just one of those things that mom said because that's what mom's are supposed to say. Through out my teenage years and into young adulthood, I lost my way. My emotions, my eating, my LIFE, was out of control. And man, did I show it. I was struggling to get by on my own, and I guess you could say I was barely making the margin you could call success... if you call success living on top ramen, gaining weight like it was going out of style, and working long hours for minimal pay... I was succeeding. I had my own place, my own employees, and my own freedom, but that is where it ends.
There is something to be said about the gravity of self mastery.
I may have had things seemingly together (and sometimes not so seemingly) on the outside... but emotionally, mentally, I was on the edge of collapse every single day. I wasn't challenged, and I wasn't happy. No faith in myself, no faith in others, and certainly no faith that the future would be any different. I must admit, I was terrified when I started school. Terrified that I would once again disappoint my family, my friends, myself. I thought I was certainly setting myself up for failure, afterall, vet school was a lofty goal for someone like me. But what did I have to lose? I moved back home with the parents, got some therapy, and mustered up just enough courage to move forward. Fear gripped me like nothing I'd previous experienced... over school? How silly one may say. But school is so much more than that. School was the reclaiming of my life... the final overthrow of the me I'd been prisoner of for so long. Could I really do this?
Yes. Yes I could. And did!
For the past five months, I have accomplished more than I ever thought possible. I ran my quiet little Radio Shack in Golden as the store manager while going to school full time. That is six days a week of work on top of being a full time student. Wow. And the more exciting part? Not only did I make it through... I GOT PROMOTED, while maintaining a 4.0 all semester long. The final grades aren't in yet, I know a couple were close, but regardless, I did it.
And I am proud.
I will be tagging a few of you on facebook when I post up this blog because I want you to know how much your support has meant to me. While all of my friends have been immensely supportive, you touched me. You pushed me. You knew I could do it before I did. You helped make me a better person. And I could not be more grateful. Your silent cheers (and not so silent cheers) helped give me something back I had been missing for so long....
... myself.
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