Your life isn't the world's problem....*

It is not the world’s job to conform to you and the way you need things to be.

It is not the world’s job to cater to you because you “don’t learn that way” or you “aren’t very good at this” or you “don’t feel like doing it”.  You either rise to the occasion, or you fall on your face.

Success in the world is about learning to adapt, evolve, and push yourself farther than others are willing to in order to get where you want to go. Despite what the world has come to have one believe these days, success isn’t everyone’s right. It isn’t your right to be happy, it isn’t your right to be wealthy, it isn’t your right to be comfortable, healthy, or feel good about yourself. Respect, loyalty, kindness, and compassion aren’t your rights either. Your only right is the OPPORTUNITY to have those things…. everything else is yours to get up off of your ass and get for yourself.

You have to be willing to learn the rules of life, much like the rules of a game. Once you learn those rules and learn them well, you can adapt your skills in order to play that game to the best of your ability. Then, as soon as you are playing pretty well and have adapted your skills, you can either stay put at “comfortable” or you can push yourself to the next level where few are willing to go. One thing you can’t do though, is hope, pray, wish, plead, and beg for the life of your dreams to fall in your lap. You can’t expect people to bow and scrape and care about your needs without you tending to theirs. You can’t expect your boss to give you a raise or a promotion without you earning it. You can’t shit on your relationships with partners and friends, expect them to keep quiet about their unhappiness, then still be there when you need or want them to be. You can’t eat junk food constantly and medicate yourself for every little discomfort while not exercising or getting proper sleep, and still expect your body to perform for you at its peak. You can’t expect to find your dream job without holding yourself to the standards that one would need for that position and doing whatever is necessary to have it. You can’t expect people to make you happy without doing anything to make yourself happy, and you can’t expect to criticise others without having a critical eye fall on your actions in return.

You just can’t. No matter how much you want to.

Treat others with kindness and care, and within a margin of error, you’ll receive the same in return. Work hard to get where you want to go. If you’re not good enough, make yourself better. Embrace a good measure of humility, and in return you will get wisdom and knowledge. Take care of your body, and it will take care of you. No, life is not perfect, and no, life is not fair. But you’re sure not going to get any closer to it being the life you want by talking about it, complaining about it, dreaming about it, or doing everything but the necessary actions to get you there. So instead of wasting time lamenting about how things “should” be… learn how they ARE, adapt the skills needed to deal with that reality, and exceed expectations in every way possible.

“Winners do what losers won’t.”

Make it happen.*

Recipe for Happiness from Flashwing*

Behavior before feeLinGs*

"The problem with people is that they think if they feel better they will act better. You can't feel your way to better behavior, YOU BEHAVE YOUR WAY TO BETTER FEELINGS. If you want to feel better about others, you have to treat them nice first. If you want to feel better about school, you have to do the work first. If you don't do the work, even if someone helps you feel better for a short time, tomorrow you're going to do the same thing and you're going to feel bad all over again." 

You must behave your way to success, not wait for success to teach you how to behave.
You must be a good partner to have a good relationship, not wait to feel like you have a good relationship to behave like a good partner.
You must be good at your job and put in the time to feel satisfied with your job, not wait for your job to treat you well before you work hard.
Once you embrace this, your life will change in ways you never imagined.*

...must be the puppy chow...

The gift of appreciation....*

I think that sometimes we put down things that we have in our lives, even if we have it good, because it makes us feel guilty or selfish for wanting more. So the only way we can justify the "new" or the "better" is to make it seem as though what we have now isn't good enough so we HAVE to have that new or better in our lives to be happy. But when we get in this cycle, it becomes an endless cycle. The "new" and the "better" are only labeled as such because they are not ours. Once we acquire them, we once again begin to see the flaws in it, looking for all the reasons we need to be going after the new "new" and the better "better". We do it with clothes, things, circumstances, and most tragically, people.

Appreciate what you have. Know that you have amazing things, people, and experiences. Reach for more because you want it or because you enjoy reaching, but don't do it from a place of lack.... or that is exactly what you will find more of when you reach your destination. 

Reach for abundance, love, life, giving, kindness, charity.... reach for the moment, because after all.... There is no gift like the "present". 

...must be the puppy chow...

The "good life" *

WHEW! I love racing against the clock and winning  Finally off to bed ladies and gentlemen, and tonight I will leave you with this:

The "good life" does not come to those who wish for it the most. It does not come to those who despair in the fact that they do not have it. It does not come to those who think all of their problems will be solved by having it, or to those who thought that one circumstance is all it would take to create it. The "good life" does not come to those who think what they have is not good enough, nor does it come to those who think they will never amount to anything so they never try. It will most certainly not fall in the lap of those who think they deserve it without working for it, and absolutely will not come to those who begrudge those who already earned it.

The "good life" is the life you create. It is in the hugs from family, the long walks with the dog, the deep belly laugh at the best part of a good movie. It is also in the tears shed over a lost friend or pet, the feeling in the pit of your stomach after a bitter defeat, or the hot tears of frustration after working yourself to exhaustion. There is an old saying by one of my favorite philosophers, " Most people don't run far enough on their first wind to find out they have a second." You must work for the life you want, be good to the people around you who have helped you get this far in your journey, and most of all.... learn to appreciate the bad as much as the good. For it is the tears that make the smiles worth while, the loss that makes the having so joyful, and the defeat that makes the mastery overflow with pride.

Your biggest obstacle, greatest challenge, worst enemy, and greatest ally lies right in between your own two ears. The only limits that are real are the ones you believe in. The only boundaries you have are the ones you set for yourself, so do yourself a favor and set yourself free. You will find out that your life was the "good life" all along, and the only one that could give it to you, was you.*

... must be the puppy chow ...

Race for now*

Some days you just feel like you can't keep going. The race is too long, the training is too hard, you are just not equipped to continue. It feels as though you have done everything incorrectly, fumbled and fraudulently gotten to the point you are now and any day you will drop the ball and be found out for what you really are.... unworthy. It is hard to chase your dreams, push for your goals, and give up the now for the later.

Some days you get too caught up in the should haves, the what ifs, the could have beens. You forget what you are worth, what you can accomplish, where you can go.

Live in the moment. Stop, breathe, and be right here, right now. Look around you... find something to be thankful for. Become ultra present in the now, not thinking about tomorrow, not thinking about later... just be. Feel your heart beat. Hear the wind blow. Take your shoes off and walk in the soft grass. You're alive. If your journey was over, you wouldn't be. As long as you are, use it, do it, be it, chase it, achieve it, enjoy it, feel it, embrace it, be thankful for it....

All you have is now.*

A political discussion worth noting....*

• • I am a bleeding heart with very conservative beliefs. I talk a lot of politics and it is a very important subject to me. I was approached by a friend that asked me if she could have a personal conversation with me, and being the kind of person I am, I was more than happy to oblige a potentially difficult conversation. For me personally I wanted to keep this conversation, as I think it articulates a lot about where I am in my life right now.... hope you don't mind ;)
    ...must be the puppy chow....
    

    

    
    
    
    Friend
    

    
    

    Why do you use political jargon to define people? Acting as though being a liberal or a democrat is a bad thing. More importantly, why when I disagreed with Travis the only thing you really used against me was my political views aside from personal attacks (using liberal loosely)? I can't define someone by their political views, I can only define them by their actions. Example: "white Christian Republican male" is a god awful stereotype that I do not use, but I know so many that do like that is just supposed to define that person.
    

    Also, you are very sweet person. I understand getting "caught up" in the heat of the moment and things being said that didn't mean anything, but to be mean. What I am curious about is you put on a façade on that status. Boasting that you "handed me my ass" over I am not exactly sure what. Instead of defending Travis, you thought it were more important to make it personal and attack. Which if I'm correct, is the exact thing that got you upset with what I said. I don't see you as someone who likes to put others down to feel superior, but that is definitely what is appeared to be. Why?

    Another thing, are you still working out? I don't see much of your posts like that anymore. The Beach Body thing I mean.
  • 

    3:04pm
    

    Jen Scofield
    

    
    

    Although I can't give my full response at the moment, I will say that if you reread our conversation after it happened, many of your questions have already been answered. I will also say that you shouldn't hold on to things so long. Once it is over and amends have been made, let that situation go or you are letting "the enemy live in your head rent free". I will give more detailed answers to your question as soon as I can, but look over our previous conversation if you can and we will ho from there.
  • 

    3:09pm
    

    Friend
    

    
    

    Holding on to things too long - touché, my dear.. I tried to look through them, that is why I am on my computer. It won't let me load them. Actually, you are correct. I don't need answers. Although I can't remember all that was said and I can't look back through, you have made a perfectly good point.
  • Sunday
  • 

    7:37pm
    

    Jen Scofield
    

    
    

    As far as labels go, how would you say that people decide what actions to take in their lives?

    What drives people to act in a certain way?
  • Today
  • 

    5:53am
    

    Friend
    

    
    

    Those are broad questions that correlate. Emotions elicit reactions. Those emotions may stem from religion, politics, beliefs, traditions, etc. Which all that is really related to culture. There is no right or wrong answer to that. It is human nature to label ourselves and others. So busy finding ways to divide ourselves than uniting as a whole and standing up for what we believe to be right. It is easier to group with what has been labeled "your own kind" (eg: blacks, Christians, democrats) because you feel the most comfortable and know a majority of the time, they will see things the way you do. If labels did not exist and people didn't have a superior complex, we as people would come together much more than segregate ourselves. That is not a realistic statement as of today. Again, it is human nature to label ourselves. Regardless of it being human nature, I don't like it. There are so many ideas and innovations in this world that people cannot see because of the labels they put on people. Call it what you will - liberal, bleeding heart, naïve. I think it is unfair to be labeled and be shut out be those that are not that label just because of ONE WORD. I would like to say they are powerless words, but they aren't.
  • 

    5:54am
    

    Friend
    

    
    

    I hope that answered your question. I apologize for the long response.
  • Today
  • 

    9:15am
    

    Jen Scofield
    

    
    

    It was a good response, and while I do agree with you to a certain extent, we all have to change the world and be good people in the best ways that we know how. When you say " I can't define someone by their political views, I can only define them by their actions", that is a statement that is well intentioned but not altogether true (or false... nothing is ever 100% in life).
  • 

    9:16am
    

    Jen Scofield
    

    
    

    ...... didn't mean to hit enter, more to come lol
  • 

    9:25am
    

    Jen Scofield
    

    
    

    If we define someone by only their actions, a lot of people are very bad people. I don't believe this to be true, as it is human nature to make mistakes... that is how we are designed so that we can learn. Look at children... they are a whole series of mistakes that come together to make something wonderful... like learning to talk, learning to walk, learning to have manners or not to steal or to be nice to the dog.... I could name a million lessons that make someone a good person but that came out of incorrect action. So, judging people entirely on their actions is not something we can do, just as judging them completely on what they say or think because we can never truly be in their head and know for a fact what they are thinking or what their motives are. It is an impossible task.
    

    There is a reason I like politics. When you ask someone what they believe politically, it says a lot about who they are in both their actions and in their beliefs without them making it personally about them in their response. They are more apt to say what they really think and really mean, therefore disclosing more of who they are without the focus directly being on them and therefore allowing them to conceal and reveal what they feel they should to make you feel a certain way about them. Is it a perfect system? Absolutely not. We can never truly know another person. Ever. Thus the intrigue about relationships and the human connection... there is always something to be discovered.

    So, back to action. People's emotions are positive or negative, based on how they believe a certain situation affects them and aligns with what they believe. What they believe is a result of many factors of how they have been raised, developed, and the life experiences they have. People
  • 

    9:27am
    

    Jen Scofield
    

    
    

    People's actions are driven by their beliefs. Roughly ninety percent of the time, how they act is a reflection of their values and morals, the other ten percent is the human error of learning through screwing up. So when politically someone feels that a different label defines someone else, it is looked at as differences that are undesirable because they go against their own alignment.... which they aligned with because that is what they believe is most congruent to who they feel they are.
  • 

    9:28am
    

    Jen Scofield
    

    
    

    So you are not wrong in saying people go where they feel comfortable... such is how we are biologically built.... comfort = survival.

    Intellect is what drives us from the herd, not nature. But to some, one label or another is directly opposite what they have defined for themselves, and therefore "bad".
  • 

    9:37am
    

    Jen Scofield
    

    
    

    Getting personal for a moment through all the intellectual fog, I do notice that you are very concerned with persecution and alienation because of beliefs. That focus leads me to think that you have experienced this many times in your life and it is a sensitive issue with you, for which I do not blame you at all. Realistically however, life is what it is. It is harsh, it is cold, but for ever dark there is a light. Focusing on all that is wrong with the world and holding onto it for so long is not the way to change it. We can only control ourselves, but through controlling and improving ourselves, we can be the change. If you ask anyone that really knows me they will tell you I am the most bleeding heart person in the world. But being such a bleeding heart has gotten me into situations that have taught me real world lessons about how the world really is. We cannot focus on Utopia... how things SHOULD be, we must see them for what they are and focus on how we can change them by being real about what they are... or we are just spinning our wheels.
  • 

    9:38am
    

    Jen Scofield
    

    
    

    (and side note, never apologize for long responses.... what you have to say is worth being heard, and you should have confidence in that)
  • 

    9:58am
    

    Jen Scofield
    

    
    

    What I value are real solutions to problems. Discussions that lead somewhere. Having integrity. Working hard and earning what comes to you, and giving to others because it is what is right, not because someone is making you. I believe in being able to look at a situation without personalizing it and internalizing its implications. I believe in letting go and moving forward. I believe in people earning respect, and earning a good life. I don't believe that just because we are human means that we are all equal or that just because we are alive that we all deserve the same things. I believe in personal responsibility for one's children, one's life, and one's situation. And that is exactly why I most of the time I do not get along with "liberals." In my life, the liberal minded people I have come into contact with are more often than not completely run by their emotions. They don't care about facts, they care about feelings. They care about what the world SHOULD be, and cry about the injustice of it all, but are unwilling to see things as they REALLY are and figure out how to fix the problem from there. They are often uneducated, and they don't want to figure out the facts, they want to feel self righteous because they are more comfortable running on feelings. And after all of that I will say this: there are liberals in my life that I love dearly and wouldn't change. Do I disagree with them? Yes. Do I hate some of the decisions they make in their life? Absolutely. But it is who they are and they aren't going to change. It is what it is. Those that want different perspectives seek it, those that don't won't be forced and I definitely am not going to spend my precious moments on this earth trying. My parents are liberal. My best friend and her entire family that I lived with and known since I was in kindergarden are the absolute most liberal people I know.
    

    Do I love them less? No.
    Do I appreciate who the have helped mold me into? Yes.
    Would I let them run my life and my future? Not ever. That isn't me being unappreciative, or unloving, or unkind. That is me being able to separate myself from my feelings for them and look at results. And the results are that the liberals I know do not like engaging in discussion without it being chalked full of feelings. They cannot separate themselves from how they think things should be, even if it isn't how things are. They aren't willing to be different.

    And when it comes to liberalism, my experiences that make the most angry with 95% of the liberals I have ever met, known, or spoke to in anyway is that they want to preach about open mindedness, how things should be, people being insensitive.... and yet as soon as you confront them with their own actions or own beliefs or present ones that are different than own.... the become the very things they claim to hate so much.

    They become hypocritical (which we all do from time to time) in the worst possible way: hypocritical with zero insight into themselves and an unwillingness to see it any other way.... even if logic and facts are staring them straight int he face, they would rather continue on feeling and thinking whatever they want because, as you would say, it is where they feel the most comfortable.
  • 

    10:00am
    

    Jen Scofield
    

    
    

    I hope you feel as though I have given you enough respect to take the time to fully explain to the best of my ability because I think you reaching out for answers is brave and admirable, and you are worth taking the time.

    (sorry.... redundant.... finals week brain fry) lol
    
    
    

    • Friend

      Lol, I hear about brain fry. I just read all what you said and I appreciate what you say. We may not agree on everything, but we agree on most which is what we said last. Great conversation though. Youve had experience with people the same as i have, but in different situations. I really wouldn't mind having more of these. I like to surround myself with those that permit me to think outside of the box more often. Intelligence is a beautiful thing to waste and surrounding yourself with those that enhance it is refreshing.
    • 

      12:58pm

      Friend

      If you ever feel like engaging in a conversation, I am more than welcoming. I can learn from you which means more to me than your political views or how you view mine. I actually don't even discuss politics for personal reasons.

      And one more thing, I would love to say more since this is a great conversation, but it is finals week and I want us both to do well. Not to mention, conversation like this is best suited for in person. Which btw, I think we owe each other a drink.